Happy New Year!

The last time I wrote, I know I was a Grinch and did not have very nice things to say about the upcoming Christmas holiday.  However since then I have been able to enjoy sweet coffee times with girlfriends, a great night out with people I went to HS with many years ago ;), a wonderful family Christmas with my parents, Jeff's parents, my sister and her family and my brother-in-law's family!  We have played a little Wii, the kids have slept in, we had a sleepover with  my niece, I have tried to not be so neurotic.  I have gotten in some amazing runs and am actually enjoying the time I have running alone.  We have had  a great break from "life". 

Here are some pictures from our adventures:

I pray that if you read this. . and even if you don't that you have an amazing 2011, with abundant blessings.  I pray your burdens would be light and that there would be many hands in your life to help carry you.  I pray you may live life with laughter and love. 
Have an amazing 2011!!!

'Tis the Season to be. . .

A BIG FAT GRINCH!  And that has been me.  I don't know why.  I thought the season was suppose to bring out joy and love and peace.  But I have been far from joyful and peaceful.  I feel lethargic.  I have to get some more gifts, but don't want to face the stores. I want to bake cookies, but honestly, don't want to clean up after it.  I feel like I clean all day!

All these things are suppose to be fun, but I have been a Grinch about them.  And I know that I am not the only one out there.  My friend calls it the "Costco Effect".   Tucson Costco's are one of the worst places to be anytime, as there are only 2 for over a million people.  There is a line of at least 100 people when their doors open everyday!  And the holidays are worse.  She calls it that, because the nicest people you will ever meet will pull into Costco and become nasty.  They don't like it, they don't even mean to do it, but it happens.

I think I have been hit with the "Costco effect".  I am tired of crowds already.  I just want to stay at home with my family and watch Christmas movies, but the facts are the facts.  Jeff has to work, Lauren still has school and homework, and I still have the never ending pile of laundry.   So I will do my best to fight this "Costco effect" and be joyous.  If you have any suggestions on how. . .I would welcome them! 

May you be blessed with joy and stay away from Costco!

2 Family Funnies

Maybe these two stories will make you giggle:

*Jeff has introduced the kids to some questionable music, but this is funny. 
There is a song I am sure you have heard, with lyrics that say "like a G6, like a G6", over and over.
Well, the other night we listened to Lauren singing it and she kept signing "like a cheese stick, like a cheese stick". 

*I found out from one of Sean's preschool teachers today that during clean up time at school she turned around and he had his pants and underwear down around his ankles.  When asked what he was doing, his matter of fact response was, "I had an itch!"  Then she made him put his pants back on and wash his hands. 

My kids are funny and crazy! Hope you are having a great week!

Wordless Wednesday

You Can Have it All. . . but You Might Just Be Miserable With It

I have heard over and over in my generation: "You can have it all!"  You can be a successful business person, wife/husband, mother/father, social activist, God follower, philanthropist, sister/brother, best friend, cousin, etc.  You name it. . you can do it!  After all we have so much technology to keep us up to date.  I can count a handful of times that I learned something about my sister right there on FB.  But after living my own life and hearing from other friends, we just can't have it all. . or you might, but you just might be miserable along with it.

I was reminded of a quote by a good friend "If you can dream it, you can scheme it!"  We used to love that quote and used it frequently.  However that was before marriage, kids, bigger jobs, strains of "real" life, etc.  

So this is what many of us in our generation dream for:

-big job, climbing the corporate ladder
-a church or great spiritual life

-a wonderful, loving marriage
-2, 3, 4,or even more kids
-pets
-a large house to house everyone
-nice cars to drive
-wonderful vacations
-authentic, nurturing friendships
-a social network
-relaxation time
-volunteering our time

This is the quick list I came up with, but I am sure I have missed some. LOOK AT THAT LIST!  There are only 7 days a week and only 24 hours in them.  We want everything on that list and we want to be able to do it all with excellence.  I am here to tell you that I believe it is impossible!!! 

We have to make hard decisions, we have to decide where to focus our time and talents.   I do believe that God doesn't believe we need it all either.  After all . . what would be the purpose of Jesus. 
I pray this season for you and my own family that we would stop.  That we would breathe.  That we would realize that having it all, has not made us joyful, energetic people.  It has only made us tired wanderers.  Maybe the phrase needs to be re-written.  Maybe we should say to our kids to find their "few"  and do that well and with passion.

I am funny!!!

We have been watching a show called Modern Family.  It is very funny.  I laugh aloud almost all the way through it.  The last show really struck a chord with me.  If you watch it, you will know.  If not, here is the brief story.
The husband and wife have different opinions on which of their routes are faster to a restaurant.  They agreed they would split up and take two cars to see who might win.  (Jeff and I wold totally do this!)  So she tells their youngest son, Luke to come with her, but he wanted to go with the dad.  The girls went with dad.  On the way, Luke asks why they are divorcing as he misunderstood "splitting up" that was discussed regarding the drive.  His mom assures him that everything is fine, it was just the game they were playing.  However, then she stops and rethinks how her son really wanted to go with his dad.  She comes to her own conclusion that her son would have chosen his father because he is more fun.  She then goes on a rant with my favorite line "I USED TO BE FUN YOU KNOW!" And explains to her son why there just can't be two fun parents in a family.  Only the kid that comes to school in pjs and pays for lunch with hundred dollar bills has two fun parents.   Someone must not be fun any longer.   I laughed so hard at this that I almost cried.  And then I realized I was laughing because I have often felt the same thing. 
There are sometimes when all the kids and Jeff are messing around and they want me to join in, or times when they give me a hard time about not being fun.  I never thought that would be me.  So the past couple days I have vowed to be more fun like I was before I had kids!  Let's face it, we all need to lighten up a bit and laugh a little more!  Oh and you should definitely catch that episode.  It also made me want to be part of a flash mob! HA!

Sneaky has a name. . .

. . and the name is Sean. He is so sneaky that boy. He always has thing in his pockets and is trying to hide things. Once I found a bunch of AA batteries in his bed. Just because. He loves pants with pockets. As a matter of fact he doesn't like when he has shorts or pants on without pockets because it inhibits his ability to put things "away". At preschool last week he was given a gingerbread cookie. He secretly put it in his pocket for the whole morning and proudly presented it to me when he walked out the door, as if he had won the grand prize because he had kept it a secret from his teachers and unbroken the whole time. The other day I found him trying to fit a bar of soap in his pocket, he wanted to keep it as his "baby".

He is one funny kid. . but super sneaky. How can you not love this face!??!?!

Pregnant

I knew you'd read this one by the title. And NO I am not pregnant.

Today I just started feeling a little better. As if maybe this running gig was paying off. Things maybe are firmer and getting smaller (although there is a long way to go). And then the following event occurred.

As we were sitting on the couch watching the end of a movie, Lauren puts her head gently on my stomach and says "Are you having another baby?" I tried just to laugh and not to cry and said no. She was very disappointed. Jeff tried to make me feel better to say that maybe she just wanted another family member. But good try. Hard to miss the fact she was pointing to my stomach when she asked. What I really wanted to say is that my large stomach just came from housing 3 wonderful babies who just so happened to make me crave carbs and chocolate. But she still wouldn't get it. Maybe one day she will, but let's hope by then I will have lost some of the rolly polly nature or lipo will be a lot cheaper!

Good V. Bad (or does it matter?)

A friend recently posted on FB the question she was posed at a grocery store. Are we created good or are we created bad?
Well if you ask me this is a loaded question that really is only a divisive tool by the devil. I have thought a lot about this and what I believe. I know that scripture says that we are created in God's image and I know the scripture that says not one is righteous. But what if it was neither?
Judging from history, good, can come from people just as bad can. I think the bad is just sin. And no one is without sin. But sin doesn't mean that God created something bad, it just means he created something that needs a savior.
If we were all created bad, then why does good exist? If we were all created good then why is the bad? See why I think this question is a keenly devised one by Satan. It gets us to debate with believers and non believers a point that in the end doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter in the end how you were born. It is if werecognize Him. It is if we recognize that we were created for so much more. It is if we recognize the need for a savior and the gift to spend eternity with the one who created us.

It doesn't matter because in the end, He works ALL things together for good. I have done some good things and plenty of bad. But God has used each one. This is only one girl's opinion.

Wordless Wednesday

God Breathed Funny

This morning I was telling Lauren that all scripture is God breathed. When we opened up the bible to look for a verse she said pointing the the words, "Look God is breathing!" and started breathing heavily on the pages. :) Too funny!

Insert Foot

So. . We had a great weekend. Could have done without the UA loss, but had a great time with Jeff's parents, at the kid's soccer games, at the UA game, and with great friends for dinner. It was a busy weekend, but nice.

I think that is all I will share for I seemed to have inserted both my feet into my mouth in the past 48 hrs. I am probably unknown to me working on my arms as we speak. So . . that is my Monday and I would hate to say anything else.

Update

It is Friday and Jeff's parents are here so I will be brief. I did get to jog/walk.
Here are the results.
2.58 miles in 32:31 For some of you this is what we call "walking" for me it was a pretty good time.

Here I Go. . .

So, I thought I would tell you in this blog how I woke up to a bed full of urine and diarrhea and no it wasn't mine. :) But really?!?! No one wants to read about diarrhea and urine soaked kids' sheets. Out of the three readers I have, half of you probably already have these type of things at your own home, so I will spare you the details of my day. Instead I will talk about a new book and all my fears. Much better, right?

So this book is the funniest book I have read in a long time. I laugh aloud when I read it. I love it!

If you read my blog you will know that I posted a short blip about how I was going to run a half marathon May 7, 2011. It was short for several reasons. First, I have made such remarks before that I was going to do something big and let's face it. . .didn't. Second, I think I didn't want to draw too much attention as I wouldn't want people to ask me about it. Even Jeff looked at me like I was crazy when I told him. Let's face it, I am a slightly overweight mother of 3, that barely has time to do any exercise let along hours of jogging/walking. And yes I use jogging as what I do is not really running at all.

However, after reading part of this book, I am writing a new post about my intentions. The fact that I am already registered for this race is some more motivation as well. I will be running the Indiana Mini. Why they call it a mini I do not know. 13.1 miles is NO mini to me. But I will be joined by two other crazy people, Katy, my sister and my father, who happens to be turning 60 on the day of the race itself.

I have discovered there a a few things that keep me from just doing it, as Nike would say. Well one big thing. FEAR. Here are my fears put out there for you all to see. First, I am slow, and when I mean slow, I mean the turtle from the turtle and the hare could probably lap me twice. Second, I am overweight and as we know, running involves carrying your own body weight, which really sucks. Sometimes I feel like I am carrying an extra toddler with me. I am afraid of failure, I am afraid of blisters on my feet, I am afraid that people driving down Houghton will mock at me from their cars as I am desperately panting away. I am afraid that people will want to run with me (more on this later), I will run with them, and then they will internally think, "Poor girl, I hope she makes it" or "Poor girl doesn't stand a chance." I am sure there are others but that is what comes to mind right now.

The book, along with others tell you when you are going to do this to tell EVERYONE! That is one way you can't get out of it. Motivation by guilt that if you have told everyone you know that then you would feel like a complete idiot backing out.

So this past week I have had two wonderful women say they'd run with me. And I have a fear of them both (no offense to you lovely ladies if you read this). I am new at this. One even asked me to run the short leg of the P.F. Changs relay. My fear is that I will slow her down. That she is going to do the 8.4 miles faster than I can run the 4.7. The other wonderful lady just finished a triathlon. So. . . now you see what my life is like. But like I read in a another blog this week, I just have to put my big girl panties on and do it. And maybe, just maybe, my fear will get smaller and so will the size of my panties.

Wordless Wednesday

I am tired today, and a friend said she loves when I post pictures. . so here you go! Today is picture Wednesday!

Story Time with Curious George at UA
Sweet kiddos

First Haircut: he was the only one out of the 3 to not scream as though his head was also being cut off with his hair.



Sean took this picture. . . He loves these crocs. And thus he should as there is a huge purchase/return/purchase/return story with them.



Ahhh, my sweet girl.
(For the record, the boys are sweet too, but in a boy way!)

They are here. . .

YES!!! You probably will think this is a silly blog, but I do not care. THEY ARE HERE!!! Not babies, not puppies, not family, but our new Maytag Bravos washer and dryer. I could not be more excited.

The previous ones have left our home. They had a 10 year run, but we had fixed the washer about 4 times, the front was held on by zip ties and I had to use the spin cycle twice to actually drain water from the tub. The dryer was doing better, but still needed to be turned on via a wrench. Needless to say we finally decided to put them out to pasture.

So, we have these amazing friends that moved to MI and I am not saying amazing just because they hooked us up, but because they are an amazing family. Well, we were blessed with a favorable price due to his generous work discount. (As I type this I hope I am not getting him in trouble.) But it was AWESOME!!

So here they are. . .our new babies. Well, my new babies.

Jeff said to me after they arrived. "So, are you going to always be doing laundry?" (That was his secret hope.) And I replied with the honest truth that I might do well for the first week, maybe even two, but who are we kidding, laundry is not my strong point, along with many other domestic chores. And let's face it, until the machines actually fold and put the laundry away themselves, it will probably be the same old, same old around here very soon.

Sean's Funny comment

As we are walking through Walmart we pass the lingerie section & these are the precious boys' words.
"MOM, Look BLUE BOOBS!!!"
And yes he is our little one with no volume control. I think I heard some chuckles a few aisles away.
:) Have a wonderful day!

Funny Comment

So as I was making dinner tonight this was the "funny".

L: Mommy how come daddy never cooks dinner?

Therein is the funny comment for the night. I am too exhausted for more.

Can you please pass the Shame?

This is what dictionary.com has to say about shame:
n.
1. a painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc. done by oneself or another
2. a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute
3. something that brings censure or reproach

Here is shame in its verb form:
1. to cause to feel shame, make ashamed
2. to drive force, etc. through shame
3. to cover with ignominy or reproach

I have titled this the way I do because there is no shortage of shame going around. In fact we don't even have to look past ourselves to find it. However, even if you don't heap it upon yourself, chances are there is someone or more than one readily available to heap it on for you.

For years, I feel that the christian community (& I know I am generalizing) has readily put shame and guilt in our back pockets to motivate people to or back to God. Funny thing. . .GOD DOESN'T NEED OUR HELP! Yes, I used caps because that is how strongly I believe this. Shame is straight from the pits of hell. Now don't get me wrong, there is a thing called conviction. To quote dictionary.com again, conviction is a fixed or firm belief. So, how often do we as a society convict someone for just being a rotten individual. We don't. They are convicted for a specific thing. From a Beth Moore study, I learned this very truth. The over all crummy feeling we get is not from God, God is very specific about something. And His goal is not for us to crawl into the shadows and feel horrible, it is to come into the light to be renewed.

For years I have struggled with shame, from my bad choices, from things I have said, from doing the "wrong" things as a parent. I also wonder how many times I have knowingly or unknowingly shamed another in my ungraceful words or actions.

I have been convicted about one thing over the past several years and that is about how to truly live a grace filled life. In this I have been set free from the ugly shame and guilt and have learned that I am being refined day after day. I don't subscribe to the philosophy that God won't use me until he is done working on me. That is preposterous to me! If so, I would not be used until I was dead, right?!?! So I hope that in this post you will find some freedom. Some relief, knowing that freedom is much better than shame. "For there is NO condemnation in Christ" Romans 8:1

So now when someone asks you for a big helping of shame you can kindly say, no thank you!

Oh and I accepted a challenge to blog everyday in Nov. As you can see I have already failed. . I have chosen no shame or guilt with the fact I have already failed at day three. HA! :)

A glimpse at what was our Halloween fun. . . .

Election Day

Happy Election Day!

I am sure you are as happy as I am to soon be done with phone calls, mailings, etc.
During elections I always think of 2 teachers I had in HS. One thought all Americans should practice their right to vote no matter what, the other thought that you should only vote if you had educated yourself on the candidates and issues on the ballot. I have to say I tend to agree with the latter. If we are not educated about what is on the ballot in my opinion we should not vote.

I tend to get anxious about elections. All the news media and people seem to proclaim the end of the world if so and so is not elected or if one house or the other holds the power, and on and on. There is so much fear in elections I have decided this year not to be anxious. I could. I could be scared about a large tax increase, I could be scared about my health care, I could be scared that someone will tell me what to believe. Yet, these things do not change one fact I am certain of, and that is God is still on his throne. He has never, not for minute left it, and nor does He intend to. No matter what happens in an elections this I know to be true, and that gives me peace.

Funny thing in explaining the voting process to Lauren and that it was a secret ballot she said, "Well, Mommy, I bet they vote for you." She is too sweet to me.

Another Challenge

So. . tonight I received a message from my good friend and neighbor Charlotte. She told me about a blogging challenge out there to write something each day in November and not miss a day. If you follow my posts at all. . this is a challenge seeing as how I have not shared with you all since August! UGH!!

So. . I am taking the challenge. This is my first post to tell you about the challenge. But I also wanted to take a moment to share some fun news that just happened tonight.

My daughter can now officially ride a 2 wheel bicycle. YAY!!! The video we have is really dark so I will try to get another one and post it on one of the days this month!! It is so cool to see.

Wish me luck. . .I am going to need it!

Sean's First Day of Preschool

Here he is!! Our sweet, loving middle one! :) He is off to preschool again this year 3 days a week. I actually cried quite a bit over these pictures. Primarily because he is getting older and I can't control it, and then because I always seem to worry about him the most right now. I get anxious about his heart of all things. I am so worried about it being hurt. Sean has this amazing personality. I call him our "Norm" from Cheers. Most everywhere we go we always hear "HI Sean!" and "SEAN!" It is odd, but seems to always happen. But to me Sean has this soft side. He cares a lot, sometimes probably too much, but he gives off the appearance as though things don't bother him. He is the boy who says no to holding my hand into preschool (already). But at home in the quiet time before bed, cannot seem to snuggle close enough. I am excited for this year, but always so anxious, which I am taking to the Lord everyday. :)

Oh and even though he doesn't need a backpack, he had to have one, just like his big sister!

Challenge

Okay. . so I am posting this for my own motivation and accountability. In my quest to lose 3 babies worth of excess weight my sister proposed this challenge. I have agreed, but am nervous. So . . here I post the link to the challenge. . .maybe this will be motivation and some of my fear of inadequacy will disappear.

www.500festival.com/marathon

I must be crazy. . .

Brave Face

So I wonder when we develop our "brave face". You know, the face that says we are going to grit our teeth and do our best to not cry or be upset. The face that says I am not happy, but I am going to try and make it look like I am totally fine, that I am cool as a cucumber, that "I can do this!"
For Lauren, I think her brave face was this week. And today it was VERY clear. She wants so much to be big. She wants Jeff and I to always know that she can do it all, from feeding her brother, to combing her hair, to picking out her clothes.

So, today was the last day I was going to take her to school before the big riding-of-the-bus day on Monday. I walked her in and encouraged her to play with the other kids on the playground. She said no and then asked when they were going to blow the whistle. That all so familiar sound that we all know means LINE UP!! And then I looked at her face when she spoke, it was her brave face. But I knew that I had to leave. I had to let her have the time to be okay with me not there, so I kissed her goodbye. I walked around the corner and she continued to hover around the wall waiting for that familiar sound that would let her know it was time to go in. I watched her for the longest 4 minutes EVER!!! I got teary as I looked at her. She continued to hold onto her "brave face". Then finally the whistle blew and she bounced into line, with a look of relief.

She did it. . . I am so very proud of her this week. Even though I tell her, I am not sure she will ever understand how proud I am. Maybe that will come when she has her own kids that put on their "brave faces".

First Day of Kinder from the Mommy's Perspective

So. . .today was the day. It was a day that over five years ago seemed light years away. But today was the day. Lauren went to afternoon Kindergarten with Mrs. Jones.

She begged me all morning to leave. And before I knew it, we were hurrying out the door with the boys in tow.

We got to school and it was fine. Super hot and humid, but she played on the playground until the whistle blew. And it was time to line up. It was a bit chaotic with all the parents hovering, waiting for their new adventure as well. But I quickly shuffled her to her line and daddy was taking pictures. When I turned around to get Sean and Colin who was stroller bound, her class was marching in and promptly listened to their new teacher asking them to take a seat on the carpet Then the door closed. All the parents looked at each other. No one was crying, it was more like shock. Was this all? Were they done? Five years of preparing for this moment and it was done. She was in, sitting and the instruction had already begun. Some parents, Jeff included were allowed in to take a quick snapshot of the first moments and drop off supplies, but that was it.

I walked away feeling like it was a bit anti climactic. It wasn't until I buckled both boys in and drove away that the sobbing began. And it was ruthless. I am still choking back tears as I write this post. Although she went to preschool for 3 years this experience is so very different. For preschool I signed her in and out. If she was crabby or we wanted to see grandparents in Phx for the day we didn't go to school. I knew a lot of the preschool teachers well and even a best friend of mine works there. I knew she was always looking out for Lauren.

Kinder is not like that. I feel as if I went to Target, looked around for a nice person and asked them to come home and take care of my child. A person off the street. Having worked at a school I never appreciated the gravity of the trust placed in me by parents. It is a big deal that parents entrust their children to teachers/staff/schools for hours at a time. Lauren is my heart, she is part of me and one of my greatest treasures. I wish I understood this better for all the years I was in the school system. I don't know her teacher, I don't know that someone is looking out for just her. There is a quote that having a child is allowing your heart to live outside your body. There has never been a quote so true to my heart than this one right now.

Once Lauren made it in the door at home she said that kindergarten was "SUPER FUN!" and as she closed her eyes to fall asleep she asked why she couldn't go to school right now. We are looking forward to a great year!

I am so excited for her adventures in school. I know that this journey will involve laughter, tears, frustration, and amazing growth. I know that God has phenomenal plans for her. Being the mommy is just hard. I want her to experience life, but I struggle with wanting to control it, I want to put her in a bubble to avoid the inevitable hurts that she will sustain. But in the long run I know this doesn't help her. I just need to be there, to love her, and to walk along side of her. The rest is up to her.

Colin's 1st Birthday!

Well this has been the fastest first year ever! :) Colin turned one on the 4th of July. We went to Nana and Papa's in Phx for swimming and fun and dinner with Grandma and Grandpa. We then had a little party for him at our home the next weekend. He has such a sweet spirit and is so good. We are blessed by him and it feels like yesterday he was born. Now he is standing up and trying to walk.

His big brother liked to help him open gifts.
We were actually able to take a family picture!!

He was out after his party.

Summer 2010

Click here to view these pictures larger

We have had a great summer so far. Next week my big girl starts Kinder.. . .I am trying not to think about it, so I have posted some of our summer fun which includes a trip to Indy, before/after pictures of our floor remodel (but the after pics don't do the floor justice), the trip to Phx while the floors were being put in and tons of silliness. Hope this finds you well! Oh & for some reason these pics are not "initializing" so if you want to see them all just click where it says "click here to view these pictures larger".

One of My Great Moments

There are a handful of truly memorable moments I have in my life and one was made today.

Today we had a preschool promotion for our little girl who will begin kindergarten in 6 short weeks. I really went into the whole thing thinking it would be cute, but not giving much thought to the fact that I would SOB like a baby at one point in the presentation. After all, I had been hearing the songs they were singing for over a month and I had seen her class perform songs at Christmas. This was a fun event. But what I heard and saw from my sweet and precious girl will be forever burned in my mind, heart, & soul. (And my amazing husband managed to capture it on video.)

Before I show it to you let me explain some insecurities. For the longest time I truly believed that my "value" was on how I performed in school, the degrees I held, how many people I could help in my social work positions, how I moved up in my employment, etc. Then I became a mom and knew that I wanted to stay home, but the switch was tricky. I realize how important my mom job is, but sometimes I fall back into the old definition of value and feel that I have less value because I am "just" a stay at home mom. After all no one is proclaiming my deeds of cleaning up meal after meal, completing load after load of laundry, reading "Owl Babies" for the millionth time, reminding little people to eat with their fork, use the potty, and clean the potty, before other co-workers where I get a little certificate. :) But this video and the sound of my beautiful girl's voice is more than I could ever ask for. I will let you see the video because yes, I am just that proud.

10 Months Happened So Fast

In the Blink of an Eye

I have shed several tears over the past 24 hours and most of them for people I do not even personally know.

I have cried out to God about amount of pain that others are going through. A tragic car accident took a young grandmother, her granddaughter and left the mommy to be and unborn baby in serious condition. I know members of this family and am truly heartbroken for them and cry out to God on their behalf. At the same time I received a phone call about this, I was reading a journal about a young boy and his regimen of radiation and chemo at such a young age and I cried as I read his mother's words and again my heart went out. And then there is a wonderful father with kids and a beautiful wife, again, fighting with cancer. There are several more stories like these everyday.

I cry out to the Lord and ask why these people have so much suffering and I am left with no answer other than "I am not done yet". I believe and know that the Lord can bring beauty from pain. I was talking to my mom about the tragic event and she told me two stories from her Beth Moore study. The first involves 4 missionary woman that were serving in Iraq. Three of them died and when the fourth came to, she asked "Did they make it?" And the answer was no, they died. The pastor at the memorial service turned this around and said that the three woman were now in all His glory in heaven asked "Did she make it?" And the answer was no. . she is not here yet.

The second story is about Beth Moore stating that she likes everything wrapped up in a nice bow. And let's face it, who doesn't want things all tied up, no loose ends, something that is beautifully packaged, clean, neat. But that is not how God works. If you look through the bible and the stories of the patriarchs and the Israelites, the promise land was not all packaged in a nice bow. Jesus' death was not all packaged in a nice bow. It was painful there was the unknown, questioning, grumbling, weeping, utter fear. But God still had His hand there. Beth Moore is right. . .God doesn't tie it up for us and give it to us neat, He ties it all together.

In a blink of eye things change, diagnoses are given, people die, pain occurs. I am choosing to believe that God is there putting it all together in his Sovereign ways.

Date Night

I will only say a few words and let the pictures explain the rest, but Jeff took his little girl on their first formal date tonight. Our church does a father/daughter dinner and dance. This year's theme was "I Bear His Name". I got to go dress shopping with her last week and tonight was the night she has been looking forward to all week. Daddy came to the door, rang the door bell, gave her a beautiful single red rose, and off they went in his car. Oh and it is meaningful that they went in his car, because currently not all 5 of us can fit in Daddy's car because of car seats. So here you go. . . these make my heart melt!

Be a friend to get one?!?

So as you might have read in earlier posts, I have been reading a book called Bo's Cafe. It is a great book, I just seem to never have time to read. Shocking, I know.

I think that maybe reading it slow has been a blessing to me as I tend to look at my life as the characters look at their lives.

Basically I have been pondering authentic living. At first glance I would say. . of course I am authentic. I have always said "what you see is what you get". But as I look closer and have some conversations I can see that I am not all that authentic.

My sister and I were talking the other day. She has been blessed by several friends with offers lending meals and helping hands towards the end of her pregnancy and now that she now has a newborn and a very active preschooler. She was saying she just hates to "bother" others. She knows they offer, but doesn't want to take advantage of them. In turn I told her what my mother tells me and I know, but don't always do "Take them up on it. If they didn't want to help, they wouldn't offer!" I know that when I offer I want people to take me up on it! As the words came out of my mouth I began to think about my offers and authentic living. I will try to make the connection for you.

I am sure you have heard you need to be the friend you want to get. Really!?!?! So if I look at myself, do I really want a imperfect, slightly overweight, hugging my kids only to yell at them the next hour, messing housewife, totally crazy, somewhat inconsistent, kind hearted, God fearing, thankful I get to try it again tomorrow woman? And my answer these days YES I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want a friend like that. If I attract friends the way I "fake" life, that means I would get a distant, not going to let you in, pretend my marriage, kids, life are doing just find. And I don't want to "do life" with someone like I am acting.

I want to know a person's struggles, I want to pray for them, love on them, love on their family. I want to be able to cry with them and have them cry with me. I want them to help me but know I will make horrible blunders and love me anyway. I want them to know my kids fight, that I don't always talk nicely to them, that I lose my patience. I want someone to know those things, and I want to know their "things". And do life with GRACE.

So maybe the phrase should be if you want a authentic friend, be an authentic person.

Pictures from Krista

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Disneyland Vacation and Lauren's 5th Birthday

We just got back from Disneyland to celebrate Lauren's upcoming 5th birthday.
Jeff and I decided a while back that we would go to Disneyland for each child's 5th birthday and since Lauren will be 5 very soon. . it was time!

We had a wonderful time full of fun, family, extended family and laughter!

Above this post are many, many pictures to prove it!!! :)

Where I Am

I have to say I love my kids. There are definitely times I yell, want to rip my hair out, send them to their rooms because we ALL need a time out. But in the end. . . when I am away from them I miss them terribly, when we are all playing, I want to bathe in those moments. I am slowly but surely preparing myself for Lauren to turn 5!!! I cannot believe she will be five, and begin kinder come July. Yes school starts for us in mid July because we are on a year round modified calendar. And YES, it is going to take me 5 months to prepare myself.
I asked her the other day if she wanted me to teach her from home and then she could stay with me all day. And she emphatically replied "NO! I have to go to kindergarten!" Upon asking her why, she replied "Because they read books there, mom!" I said we could read books here and she did not go for that either. She thinks she is ready, but we will see when the first day of school comes along. . . I think she is more talk right now, but she might surprise me.
Sean is either making me fall on the floor in laughter or in pain depending on his listening skills that day. He is definitely the boy who will carve his own path and will not just follow the rules because someone said that is what he will do. He likes to ask "WHY?" often and recently my favorite things to hear him say are "Mom, I was thinking. . . " and "Mom, we need to talk." Both are said often when he wants to show me something or when he is done with a time out. He keeps me on my toes and is the greatest snuggler in the world. My favorite moments are those we just talk and I rub his forehead right before he falls asleep.
Colin, my baby, he is already 7 months old and I am wanting to slow his growth down, because I find myself wanting him to stay a baby. It is amazing that God has given me the capability to be up all night, spit on, drooled on, pooped on, etc. and I still want to keep him little. In the moments of frustration I want to get over the baby stage, but when I really step back I want to hold on to each moment, because I can never get it back. In fact last night we were up at about 130 a.m. and he fell back asleep on my shoulder. Normally I would lay him back down in a daze and shuffle back to bed to try and sleep more until another cry would awake me. But this time was different I felt compelled to continue to rock and hum and love on him for a bit longer. I felt I had to freeze that moment together.
This is a snapshot of where I am. There are moments I would give anything for Calgon to truly take me away or a nurse with a van and a straight jacket for that matter. But then there are the moments when I sit back, in somewhat quiet and thank God for the 3 little blessings I have and where I am right at this moment.

Things that Melt My Heart