Where I Am

I have to say I love my kids. There are definitely times I yell, want to rip my hair out, send them to their rooms because we ALL need a time out. But in the end. . . when I am away from them I miss them terribly, when we are all playing, I want to bathe in those moments. I am slowly but surely preparing myself for Lauren to turn 5!!! I cannot believe she will be five, and begin kinder come July. Yes school starts for us in mid July because we are on a year round modified calendar. And YES, it is going to take me 5 months to prepare myself.
I asked her the other day if she wanted me to teach her from home and then she could stay with me all day. And she emphatically replied "NO! I have to go to kindergarten!" Upon asking her why, she replied "Because they read books there, mom!" I said we could read books here and she did not go for that either. She thinks she is ready, but we will see when the first day of school comes along. . . I think she is more talk right now, but she might surprise me.
Sean is either making me fall on the floor in laughter or in pain depending on his listening skills that day. He is definitely the boy who will carve his own path and will not just follow the rules because someone said that is what he will do. He likes to ask "WHY?" often and recently my favorite things to hear him say are "Mom, I was thinking. . . " and "Mom, we need to talk." Both are said often when he wants to show me something or when he is done with a time out. He keeps me on my toes and is the greatest snuggler in the world. My favorite moments are those we just talk and I rub his forehead right before he falls asleep.
Colin, my baby, he is already 7 months old and I am wanting to slow his growth down, because I find myself wanting him to stay a baby. It is amazing that God has given me the capability to be up all night, spit on, drooled on, pooped on, etc. and I still want to keep him little. In the moments of frustration I want to get over the baby stage, but when I really step back I want to hold on to each moment, because I can never get it back. In fact last night we were up at about 130 a.m. and he fell back asleep on my shoulder. Normally I would lay him back down in a daze and shuffle back to bed to try and sleep more until another cry would awake me. But this time was different I felt compelled to continue to rock and hum and love on him for a bit longer. I felt I had to freeze that moment together.
This is a snapshot of where I am. There are moments I would give anything for Calgon to truly take me away or a nurse with a van and a straight jacket for that matter. But then there are the moments when I sit back, in somewhat quiet and thank God for the 3 little blessings I have and where I am right at this moment.