Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I am reminded of my labor with Colin during this time. I had the opportunity to have a natural childbirth with Colin. And I don' really remember the pain as much I remember the hour before he was born. The very hardest part of the labor was just wanting a longer pause between the pain. I recall thinking that I would never make it out of the pain. I wanted to be able to breath for longer in between the contractions. Between contractions I yearned to sleep for hours, to rest. I didn't' even want to shift positions at all only because it took too much energy away and I needed it for the next contraction. I felt like that time lasted much longer than it did. But what happened after all that was over was a miracle. A blessing. A new baby. And some time to breath, to pause and reflect.
I am reminded that right now I might feel like I need a pause. But it is only a short time. I am still breathing, I just feel like it's not enough air. But it is, God has given me the air I need. I am making progress even though I might not see or feel it. Things are happening and soon I will have my time to breathe, reflect and I am sure blessings abundant.
Friday, January 22, 2010
I have just turned on the TV to unwind and am now crying and needed some outlet to give words to my heart.
I of course could not escape the Hope For Haiti Now programming. (Which as a side note I am always amazed that people do rise to an occasion to help others.) I have mentioned to Jeff this week the ache of my heart and that we should think about adopting a precious baby to love from Haiti, and of course I would turn it on when they are talking about all of the orphans. Embarrassing as it may be I have tried to limit my Haiti watching on TV for it just brings tears in my eyes every time. But through all this I have been given some clear messages. That I hope to articulate.
This life is full of suffering. There are babies all over suffering, there are adults suffering. In Haiti, in Africa and right here in the good 'ol USA. In fact we could also adopt from a child in pain here as well. It is painful. My heart not only breaks for this, but I am humbled.
I am humbled because I complained to the Lord all day about my kids. They didn't listen, they didn't rest so I could rest, that I have been up since the wee hours of the morning. You name it, I probably grumbled about it. And how foolish of me. At least I have my kids. At least they know where their mom is and that she adores them. At least they can hear me, even if they don't do what I said. At least we have beds to rest in. I have lost sight of it all.
I have heart break. For those that suffer, those that are lost. Sometimes I feel I can lose sight in that fear and heart break. But I must I have to cling to my HOPE. My hope is in the Lord. There is suffering, but there is Hope in Him. He WILL NOT leave me nor forsake me. He will give rest. There is so much more to come, He has promised this.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I have only just begun to dive in, but enjoy it so far. I think we all are haunted by that "something" that keeps us from freedom and authentic living. . . .I will probably be blogging more about my "somethings" so be prepared. . . .
If you pick it up or have read it I look forward to hearing your thoughts.