Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Swearing Kids

So I know that good parents like myself never swear at all in front of their kids.  If wonderful cherubs like mine were to ever open their mouths and heaven forbid any "potty" language would come out, that would only be because of something they MUST have heard elsewhere.  You know the bus, recess, from the neighborhood kids, anywhere but our always put together, lovely, pure, "potty" language-free, shouting-free home. :)
Well, I am going to let you know right now, if I tell you all that, I am lying to you.  If my middle son ever shouts out the words "OH S#@T!"  I can honestly say it came from me, his not always appropriate mother.  Yes, as much as I would like to place the blame on other kids, or even my own husband, the blame lies with me.  He has heard it twice from me in one week.

Here is one of the stories:
We have a small water feature/pond in our backyard, there is a decorative fence around it, and both older kids have stayed out of because we just said no.  However, have you met our third angel baby? 
When cooking dinner yesterday the door to the back was open, but all three kids were outside.  And yes I know a whole CPS issue arises that I was cooking and I did allow my very mature 6 year old to look after the 21 month old.  Anyway, my middle son comes in and yells "MOM, C is in the pond!"  Knowing all the stories I have heard about babies being able to drown in inches and small buckets of water, I immediately throw down my cooking utensil, proceed to yell "OH S#@T!", and run out the back door.  Only to find he was not actually submerged in the pond water, but standing next to it.  Whew!  He proceed to go to time out and I proceeded to ignore the fact I just swore in front of my 4 year old, and go back to cooking.

I will not bore you with the other story as it involves being locked out of my parents house, after laying by the pool, having to jump a fence to go to the neighbors (not clothed well) to actually get back in the house where  my 21 month old son was sleeping by himself.  Oh my adventures!

So, I have outed myself.  I am venturing to guess that I am not the only parent that cannot use the bus, recess, or neighborhood kids as an excuse to why my kids might one day use some "potty" talk. 

Monday, April 25, 2011

One Hot Mess

And no I don't mean hot as in attractive just sweaty and actually hot. :)

So, I have been doing this half marathon training. I was out the other day just feeling like a mess.  I have had this really crappy set back with my right knee.  It doesn't want to cooperate when jogging past about 2.5 to 3 miles.  In fact I have tried to run past that and I just look horrible, I can't bear any weight on it.  I have been to the doctor and without an MRI, there is no "real" diagnosis.  I thought it was getting better last week as I was on the treadmill and hardly had any pain.  But alas that only lasted a few days and then again on my long run by mile 3, I look like a mess and my knee hates me. So I am then forced to do a speed walk for the rest of the assigned miles.  I often think that I am that "aww" person you pass on the road.  You know them, the ones who you pass in your car that frankly look as though they are exhausted, that they are on their second marathon of the day, slower than a desert tortoise and you want to cheer for them in hopes that they might do better- one hot mess-that is me.

So, anyway this knee thing is beyond disappointing.  It hurts, physically, emotionally and mentally.  I actually feel like a loser. But I am learning that more in this experience about "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry".  So I am adjusting my thoughts.  One of my adjustments has been to decide to plan my next half even though I have not finished this one (only 11 days from now). It will be the PF Changs in Phoenix/Tempe in January 2012.  That way I have the whole hot summer to get my knee fixed with my doctor because who really wants to train in 110+ degrees!

Now for my deep thought.  This whole training, set back, race thing is really like life.  We can plan and plan and plan, but it doesn't always go our way.  Sometimes we have to make adjustments no matter how much it physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually pains us, it just has to happen. And sometimes we still have to do those things even though we don't want to, even though we want to fight it with all our might and try and tell ourselves that we can just keep on doing what we are doing and run through the pain.  In the end, if we keep running with the pain because we want to, the knee will be worse and maybe never have a chance to heal or run again.

So, in 11 days I will take this hot mess to Indiana and at least I know I will finish! :)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Move Over for Food

This is what I overheard L saying to her brother this morning:
"You know if you love Jesus, He lives inside of you.  When you eat and the food goes down your body, Jesus just moves over. "
:)  Love this!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Birthday Renewal

So, I am going to be pretty candid that the past 6 months have been rough ones for me.  In the past I have laughed and yes, even mocked others who were so concerned about getting older.  I laughed at the "real housewives" who seemed obsessed about botox and lifts and other things.  I never understood why age was so painful to some.  Until about 6 months ago.  If you are one of the 4 people that read my blog, then you will know I had a post baby crisis.  I do believe that is when I also realized I was getting old, well older. 

I have no longer laughed at the thought of plastic surgery and yes I have a top 5 things I would like to have cosmetically changed.  Gravity and three kids has taken a toll.  Just being honest. But I think the hardest part was mentally and emotionally realizing that even though I felt somewhere between 21-25, I was really 10+ years older than that.  YIKES!  That means to the college kids I know, I am old.   And it just hit me a couple months before my 34th birthday. 
I started to wonder what happened.  Where were the 10+ years between how I mentally feel and where I actually am?.  What happened to my body, my life, me.  Was I losing myself in everything.  Should I have stayed working and become more involved in policy and evaluation, should we have taken more vacations before kids, should I have done something super "important" that gained national recognition, have I made the right choices for my family, etc.  Those questions you ask yourself late at night when no one is listening but God.

Basically you can say that God and I have been wrestling, talking, yelling, ignoring.  Let's face it, I have really done all those things, He has just been there to take it all.  I have been upset, I mean really upset and tired.  I first complained about things I disliked in my own life, then I yelled about the hurts of people.  I yelled about the fact I have friends who are facing things in their lives that I would not wish on my worst enemy and they were "good" people.  That they never deserved these situations and grief.  I have been upset that I have felt stuck, not really "doing" something that I think has a real impact, I have faced shame,  and I have been on empty.  I felt like in the past 6 months I was just crabby, tired, spent and no one was meeting my needs, not even my God.

So recently I just said I will wait.  I told God I would do what I had to do as a wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, etc.  But I was just going to have to wait on him for some kind of renewal or confirmation or (as silly as this sounds) a sign, that I was going to make it, that it was good and He still had control no matter what happened and that I would once again not feel so empty. 

He ended my waiting game on my 34th birthday in a shocking and surprising way.  I say that because Jeff and the kids were out of town in Phx for my birthday and I was scheduled to work all day at church.  I would be doing the nursery job for the morning and then setting up and helping to host the baby dedication for 18 families with their 200+ guests that afternoon/evening.  So when I got up in the morning, I was not feeling that this would be a day of renewal.  In fact, I believed I was actually sacrificing and unselfishly giving up sleep, maybe a pedicure and a nice dinner, in order to work for others (yes I am prideful. . still working on that).

But I was wrong.  For the first time in months I was filled to the brim with joy.  I laughed and cried.  God had come through for me in a big way and it was through every stranger, friend, and family that I came in contact with yesterday, even my own.  And the fun part is that most of them had no clue that they were filling me.  I don't even know how to explain it other than sometimes when we think we are serving others we benefit much more than those we are serving. 

The dedication was awesome!  I was so excited for our families and that  they allowed us to share and be a part of something very special in their lives.  As I was standing in the back of the celebration at the end watching the families and their guests pray for their little ones and the parents, it was as though God whispered, "Now this, Krista, is what it is all about.  This is what makes a difference. This is just a glimpse of what I have in store for you".  I know that some of you who read this might not believe in God or feel this is silly.  And that is okay.  My God is big, He can handle it.  But I believe that there is no coincidence to the timing.  All the feelings of inadequacy, being tired, wondering the what ifs in life, being upset, empty,w as all replaced in and by something I thought I was doing for someone else, but in reality I received a renewal, and with perfect timing on my 34th birthday!

Oh and then I even got to go home and celebrate with my sweet husband and three kiddos with my favorite pizza and yes, even a gift!