Joy and Tears

I marvel at the way we were created for relationships. As a woman, I am also struck at how our relationships are so different from men, even at a young age. Our sweet little girl is now old enough to understand that this summer her mommy will give birth to another sibling for her.
Ever since she has realized this she has been asking, hoping, and praying to God for a girl. She has always called the baby a girl and insisted that it be a girl so they can play together.

Now, her she and her brother can play together just fine, and they actually really enjoy each other during several moments throughout the day, but she wanted a girl. She talks about her girlfriends at school and what they wear, and play, and color, and even the little arguments they get into on the playground. It is amazing that the Lord created those women relationships at such an early age. So Lauren was dying for a sister.

Having a wonderful sister of my own, I knew very well her desire. I never had brothers like she will, but I knew that there is this different bond between girls and especially sisters. So I think if I am being honest with myself, I desired the same thing for her.

Well, as you may know we had our sonogram this week. And found out what my gut had been telling me all along. We are having another BOY! :) I am so very excited and even more grateful and joyful that everything looks good with this little one we are blessed to have.
Yet, I will admit after we left the office I cried like a baby. Not because I was disappointed about having another boy, it will be fun for the boys to be close, but because I felt I was going to break my little girl's heart over this fact. That she prayed and so desperately wanted it to be a girl, & being a women, I knew what her reaction was going to be. Jeff told me not to worry she would be fine and that she would "get over it" and all would be well. I didn't tell him at the time, but I knew better!! :)

So I got in the car to pick her up from preschool and continued with my tears and my prayers that she would understand. That my spin of being the only girl and how wonderful that would be would work.

So, she got in the car and I showed her all the pictures that had been taken of our new peanut. She liked to look at them. Then I took a deep breath and told her the news along with my positive spin. She sat in her chair with a blank stare, stated that she would not play with a boy, and burst into tears. Big, huge, sobbing crocodile tears. Of course you can imagine what comes next, I burst into tears as well. She then proceeded to climb out of her car seat and onto my lap, crying, and crying as I am holding her and just simply stated "I want to go home now."
She climbed back in and we headed for home. Not really mentioning the baby anymore.
Later we spoke about how God gave us this boy and that he really knows what is best for our family. And the next day she just said, "I don't know why God wants us to have a boy baby". And all I could answer with is that I wasn't sure either.

This whole story got me thinking about how many times I ask God for things I want or even feel I need. And after praying and asking and hoping He doesn't say yes. I react a lot like Lauren did. I cry and am sometimes devastated. Yet, after a bit I might not be happy about it yet, but I learn to accept that it is from Him and it must be good. I still get teary when I think about my almost 4 year old girl's face at the announcement she would not have a sister. But then I thank God for teaching her such a wonderful lesson so early. That every good and perfect gift is from Him and he knows best, even if at the time we don't know why.