It is Christmas Eve and I am blogging. I guess I just need a minute to myself for a quick cathartic release. As much as I would love to say that this time of year brings out my loving, good natured, humorous, go with the flow attitude, the truth is that it doesn't. I become irritable, tired, bitter, sometimes angry, frustrated, traveling back and forth trying to follow the "schedule" and praying I can make it until we arrive back in Tucson without falling apart.
I am currently praying for peace.
I have this problem, I constantly over assess and analyze every look, comment, etc. made to me by family and others this season. I have found as I sit here with tears that I particularly sensitive about one little thing. . well a big thing to me. My little boy.
He is . . how shall we say. . all boy, he likes any button, gets into everything, never stops moving, can throw a tantrum like you wouldn't believe, can hit, sometimes throws things in immediate grasp when he is angry, and can turn around and tell you "NO!!" when he doesn't like the answer. But this little boy who does all these things is also a lover, a snuggler, hilarious and so inquisitive. He has brought amazing amount of joy and opened our eyes to what it is to have a boy after having the girl first.
It has come to my attention the past few days or should I say I have analyzed other statements, behaviors, reactions, etc. that others are less than fond of his challenging behaviors. Now my friends with boys some of them with more than one boy finds all these things "typical". I feel that others are frustrated with him, judge our parenting skills and others still thanking the Lord that at least "their kids doesn't do that"!!
I have learned it is so easy to judge parenting. We do not discipline our children differently we have done it the same. They are different personalities. And now I realize when we look at parents, even without saying a word, judging them for their children's bad behavior it hurts. It makes parents cry, it bring heartache and sadness, and a feeling of failure.
I wonder if Mary, the mother of Jesus ever felt this way. For some reason I think maybe she did, I mean, they crucified him. She loved him. . she birthed him, she raised him. Although he was the son of God and perfect she must of felt some of these same things, even if he didn't throw a 2 year old tantrum .
I know,such a depressing post on Christmas Eve. I am just praying for some Christmas peace. And a feeling from the Lord that I am doing the best I can with this precious little one.
4 comments:
Oh my sweet friend. Love you and am praying for peace for you. You are an amazing Mommy!! Your children are beyond blessed... God knows you. He knows your children. Perfection is what He sees. Remember that! I loved every single wonderful second we got to spend with you and your beautiful children!!!
Keep persevering, this too will pass. I know full well all of the feelings that you are experiencing. Stay consistent, pray, pray some more and God will guide you to mold an amazing, strong, Godly young leader. My fireball, a girl, has grown into a Sweetie, she still has her moments but we are refining her soul each day. I like to look at her as a diamond, at first rough but as we shape her,she is stunning and beautiful. Keep looking to Him, not at others. I know it is hard but no one knows how hard you work or what a wonderful mom you are, but YOU ARE! Love ya friend!
Ah, well, I had a boy first and I didn't know how "different" they could be until we joined a playgroup with almost all girls! Of course, my brother is 6 years younger than me and he was VERY, uh, busy - to put it nicely. So really, I don't know any different. Yes, it's a challenging time of the year and what I'm very thankful for is reading this post and finding out that I'm not the only person that feels obsessive and overwhelmed at this time of the year! ;-) Whoo hoo - Santa's back at the North Pole! Hugs to you -
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