Picked Last At Recess

So as you know and I am sure I have talked about way too much, I finished my first half marathon this past weekend.  That is right 13.1 miles.  And it was AWESOME!!! 

We ran around the Indianapolis Speedway which began at about mile 6.5.  During this part there were different HS cheer leading groups that would cheer us on, some with themes and some just cheering as loud as they could to help us through the next 2.5 miles of track.  There was a girl holding a sign that said "Do it for all the girls who were picked last at recess!"  Now I wish I saw that one, but my sister saw it and when she told me about it at the end we both cried.  If you were ever picked last at anything or picked on, you will know exactly why we cried. 

I cried a lot when I cross the finish line on Saturday.  Partly due to the flood of emotions I felt upon finishing and partly because my knee felt as though it might just come apart, or maybe it would have felt better if it did. 

I have never been a true athlete.  I was a mediocre at best softball player from ages 5 to 17, but I have known several amazing athletes that I went to school with and wouldn't dare classify myself in their standings.  So this run/walk was a feat in and of itself for me.  After all, before this time I would have told you that running was just crazy and I would only run if I was on fire or being chased.  I even lived with an amazing runner in college and I thought she was nuts for getting up so early just to run around Flagstaff in the cold. :)  And let's face it, I am not at all built like a runner.  I will never be a size two, maybe in heaven but certainly not here.  And I have had three kids and that does not always make a body better.  So yes. . I am not an athlete. 

But I am a mother, and I have learned that sometimes we moms need to do something that is our own.  Not stuff that is "kind of" for us, but will really benefit the kids or the husband or the extended family or our closest girlfriends.  Something that is only ours, something that we can be selfish about.  Now, I realize that many of you might disagree with this philosophy and that is okay, but I like having a thing that is only mine and I don't have to share.  And that for me was this training and this running.  It was mine.  At times it was hours by myself to be in silence or yes to even listen to some music that might have a lyric that is not appropriate for my kids to hear.  It was time for me.

I did it because people thought I couldn't.  I have a lot of great "ideas" that float around in my head.  And a lot of them I do not ever follow through on.  But if I am nothing else I am stubborn.  I know that there were several people in my life that would have never said so to my face, but truly in their heart thought I would never complete the half or all of the training necessary to do it.  I am sure there were several reasons for their doubt.  Several times I ran I could hear the voices in my head.  "She is not in shape enough to do that kind of mileage."  "She has attempted other things before and never done them, I am sure this is just one of those things she has to get out of her system."  "She doesn't look like a runner."  "What is she going to do with the kids when she has to do all that training?"   As my sister and I joked after the race she had the same thoughts about people who thought she would never do it, and kindly we say to you all . . suck it.

As I know that last sentence was harsh, trust me nothing is worse than my own self doubt and fear.  The fear that I wouldn't make it, the fear that I would be the last person of 35,000 people to finish a race.  The fear that I would be laughed at or questioned at the race about my authenticity as a runner.  I am always harder on myself than anyone else could be. 

On the other side there were cheer leaders for me that supported me and called me and let me know that slow is okay and that I could do it and it would all be so fun and wonderful.  To you, I sincerely thank you, you are my heroes and heroines!  I can never repay or even begin to explain how much your kind words and support meant to me. 

For many years, I have heard the bible verse that Paul wrote in 2 Timothy about fighting the good fight, finishing the race and keeping the faith.  These words mean so much more to me now than they did  months ago.  To keep on keeping on despite tired legs, bad knees, to get it done even when there didn't seem enough time.  When the training schedule went array to get back up and start again.  All of this can be compared to how I want to live my life. 

So now you maybe can see why I cried at the end.  If I can do this anyone can do it no matter what others think of you or what you think of yourself.  

So I urge you to think about your bucket list.  What is on it?  What is the race you want to run?  And  just do it, keep the faith and do it, because it is a feeling like no other crossing the finish line.