Fear

So I have fear.  I hate to admit it, but I fear a lot of things, even weird things.  My current battle with fear involves this half marathon in 4 DAYS!!!  And yes that was me very much emphasizing the time I have left.   I have gone back to look at my other posts in March, April and May about my first half and I remember feeling similar about that one, but this one comes with new fears of course.

I remember my sister thinking I was crazy at the starting line in May because I thought I was going to throw up. I remember thinking there was this big cartoon arrow over  my head that all 60,000 people could see saying "Psst . . she is not a TRUE runner like the rest of you. . she is faking it!!".   Then I remember her pointing out a woman probably in her 60's wearing jean capri pants and saying,  "At least you know you will beat her!"  And instead of agreeing I thought she would probably kick my @&$ in her stupid jean capri pants.

I also have had to coach my sweet husband on this whole half thing.  There are many amazing women runners that work with him, and are participating, but they are fast and run all the time.  I know they will beat me, but I have had to coach him on what not to say to me at the finish line.  For example, do not say "Good job!  I was worried about you because I saw Chris finish an hour ago!  I thought something happened to you."  Yes that is NOT what you want to say.  

I had forgotten how long 13 miles was until I did about 10 on Sunday.  Ummm yeah it is a long way.  Oh I know I will finish, but I still have these stupid fears.  My anxiety has been high all week.  I even did a run this morning and it was awful, which did not help my self talk.

When it comes to beating yourself up, I am the queen.  No one can make me feel worse than I do about myself.  So I have decided I really need to let it go.  If people think I am a non runner. . let them.  Because I am a run/walker. :)  If Jeff's colleagues think I am slow, at least I am moving!  And then I remembered this morning that this is just practice for January.  For when I run for Sam!  I run for Sam because I can, I will run because I can and there are so many people that cannot. 

So I am working on just going and enjoying my time, having great time with my husband, sleeping in, and completing a "little" run.    However, I do wish I had a sign that said to race officials and others,  "Yes I know it looks like I am going to die in the first 2 miles, but it takes me that long to get my stride." HAHA! And I realize that there are only few that will get that. . .and my hubby is not one.

I will let you know what happens when I return!!

My White Boys

As a mom I know that this is not the best music genre for my kids.  But I love this video of them as it makes me laugh so hard.  Have a great week ahead!

Disneyland: The Happiest Place on Earth?!?!?!

We have made the promise/deal that when each child turns 5 in our home we will take a family trip to Disneyland and California Adventure to celebrate.  That is their party and present for birthday number 5.  Well my sweet S turned 5 on Monday, October 24th so we went during the fall break.  It was great and we had fun.  It actually also made me feel like a typical wife/mother/woman, and the following scenario will explain why.

Picture this:  About 7 pm a family is waiting for the parking shuttle as we walk by on the way back to our hotel.  The family has three young kids, about the same ages as ours.  As we walk past we see the mom very clearly telling the dad something.  Probably something about what they need to do, didn't do, or how she needs him to help her more as the kids are tired and exhausted, as is she.  As she is talking, the smallest of the three is throwing herself on the ground crying and has clearly had too much Mickey Mouse, and at the same time the dad is taking his frustrations out on the umbrella stroller folding it shall we say in a VERY aggressive manner.

This whole scene made our evening as we walked past.  Why?  Because that is our family.  That is what happens to us ALL the time.  Jeff and I both laughed and not at the couple and their family, but a laugh of relief and thankfulness that it was not our moment.  We did have those moments in the parks. And I just hope another family could benefit and say "Thank God, it was not our turn!" 

On more than one occasion I saw a wife arguing with her husband about something and the husband being very frustrated.  I saw kids throwing tantrums just like mine in line and over ice cream and due to pure exhaustion.  This made me happy.  I know, very sick of me huh?  But was a welcome relief as when you are a spouse and/or parent there are times you think you are the only one who ______.  Fill it in with whatever you might think you are the only one on God's green earth to do, and in reality you are not alone. 

We had a great trip and the grandparents were even able to come for a couple days as well.  It was busy, but a great birthday celebration.