In the Blink of an Eye

I have shed several tears over the past 24 hours and most of them for people I do not even personally know.

I have cried out to God about amount of pain that others are going through. A tragic car accident took a young grandmother, her granddaughter and left the mommy to be and unborn baby in serious condition. I know members of this family and am truly heartbroken for them and cry out to God on their behalf. At the same time I received a phone call about this, I was reading a journal about a young boy and his regimen of radiation and chemo at such a young age and I cried as I read his mother's words and again my heart went out. And then there is a wonderful father with kids and a beautiful wife, again, fighting with cancer. There are several more stories like these everyday.

I cry out to the Lord and ask why these people have so much suffering and I am left with no answer other than "I am not done yet". I believe and know that the Lord can bring beauty from pain. I was talking to my mom about the tragic event and she told me two stories from her Beth Moore study. The first involves 4 missionary woman that were serving in Iraq. Three of them died and when the fourth came to, she asked "Did they make it?" And the answer was no, they died. The pastor at the memorial service turned this around and said that the three woman were now in all His glory in heaven asked "Did she make it?" And the answer was no. . she is not here yet.

The second story is about Beth Moore stating that she likes everything wrapped up in a nice bow. And let's face it, who doesn't want things all tied up, no loose ends, something that is beautifully packaged, clean, neat. But that is not how God works. If you look through the bible and the stories of the patriarchs and the Israelites, the promise land was not all packaged in a nice bow. Jesus' death was not all packaged in a nice bow. It was painful there was the unknown, questioning, grumbling, weeping, utter fear. But God still had His hand there. Beth Moore is right. . .God doesn't tie it up for us and give it to us neat, He ties it all together.

In a blink of eye things change, diagnoses are given, people die, pain occurs. I am choosing to believe that God is there putting it all together in his Sovereign ways.

Date Night

I will only say a few words and let the pictures explain the rest, but Jeff took his little girl on their first formal date tonight. Our church does a father/daughter dinner and dance. This year's theme was "I Bear His Name". I got to go dress shopping with her last week and tonight was the night she has been looking forward to all week. Daddy came to the door, rang the door bell, gave her a beautiful single red rose, and off they went in his car. Oh and it is meaningful that they went in his car, because currently not all 5 of us can fit in Daddy's car because of car seats. So here you go. . . these make my heart melt!

Be a friend to get one?!?

So as you might have read in earlier posts, I have been reading a book called Bo's Cafe. It is a great book, I just seem to never have time to read. Shocking, I know.

I think that maybe reading it slow has been a blessing to me as I tend to look at my life as the characters look at their lives.

Basically I have been pondering authentic living. At first glance I would say. . of course I am authentic. I have always said "what you see is what you get". But as I look closer and have some conversations I can see that I am not all that authentic.

My sister and I were talking the other day. She has been blessed by several friends with offers lending meals and helping hands towards the end of her pregnancy and now that she now has a newborn and a very active preschooler. She was saying she just hates to "bother" others. She knows they offer, but doesn't want to take advantage of them. In turn I told her what my mother tells me and I know, but don't always do "Take them up on it. If they didn't want to help, they wouldn't offer!" I know that when I offer I want people to take me up on it! As the words came out of my mouth I began to think about my offers and authentic living. I will try to make the connection for you.

I am sure you have heard you need to be the friend you want to get. Really!?!?! So if I look at myself, do I really want a imperfect, slightly overweight, hugging my kids only to yell at them the next hour, messing housewife, totally crazy, somewhat inconsistent, kind hearted, God fearing, thankful I get to try it again tomorrow woman? And my answer these days YES I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want a friend like that. If I attract friends the way I "fake" life, that means I would get a distant, not going to let you in, pretend my marriage, kids, life are doing just find. And I don't want to "do life" with someone like I am acting.

I want to know a person's struggles, I want to pray for them, love on them, love on their family. I want to be able to cry with them and have them cry with me. I want them to help me but know I will make horrible blunders and love me anyway. I want them to know my kids fight, that I don't always talk nicely to them, that I lose my patience. I want someone to know those things, and I want to know their "things". And do life with GRACE.

So maybe the phrase should be if you want a authentic friend, be an authentic person.

Pictures from Krista

Click here to view these pictures larger

Disneyland Vacation and Lauren's 5th Birthday

We just got back from Disneyland to celebrate Lauren's upcoming 5th birthday.
Jeff and I decided a while back that we would go to Disneyland for each child's 5th birthday and since Lauren will be 5 very soon. . it was time!

We had a wonderful time full of fun, family, extended family and laughter!

Above this post are many, many pictures to prove it!!! :)

Where I Am

I have to say I love my kids. There are definitely times I yell, want to rip my hair out, send them to their rooms because we ALL need a time out. But in the end. . . when I am away from them I miss them terribly, when we are all playing, I want to bathe in those moments. I am slowly but surely preparing myself for Lauren to turn 5!!! I cannot believe she will be five, and begin kinder come July. Yes school starts for us in mid July because we are on a year round modified calendar. And YES, it is going to take me 5 months to prepare myself.
I asked her the other day if she wanted me to teach her from home and then she could stay with me all day. And she emphatically replied "NO! I have to go to kindergarten!" Upon asking her why, she replied "Because they read books there, mom!" I said we could read books here and she did not go for that either. She thinks she is ready, but we will see when the first day of school comes along. . . I think she is more talk right now, but she might surprise me.
Sean is either making me fall on the floor in laughter or in pain depending on his listening skills that day. He is definitely the boy who will carve his own path and will not just follow the rules because someone said that is what he will do. He likes to ask "WHY?" often and recently my favorite things to hear him say are "Mom, I was thinking. . . " and "Mom, we need to talk." Both are said often when he wants to show me something or when he is done with a time out. He keeps me on my toes and is the greatest snuggler in the world. My favorite moments are those we just talk and I rub his forehead right before he falls asleep.
Colin, my baby, he is already 7 months old and I am wanting to slow his growth down, because I find myself wanting him to stay a baby. It is amazing that God has given me the capability to be up all night, spit on, drooled on, pooped on, etc. and I still want to keep him little. In the moments of frustration I want to get over the baby stage, but when I really step back I want to hold on to each moment, because I can never get it back. In fact last night we were up at about 130 a.m. and he fell back asleep on my shoulder. Normally I would lay him back down in a daze and shuffle back to bed to try and sleep more until another cry would awake me. But this time was different I felt compelled to continue to rock and hum and love on him for a bit longer. I felt I had to freeze that moment together.
This is a snapshot of where I am. There are moments I would give anything for Calgon to truly take me away or a nurse with a van and a straight jacket for that matter. But then there are the moments when I sit back, in somewhat quiet and thank God for the 3 little blessings I have and where I am right at this moment.

Things that Melt My Heart