Okay. . so I have a million ideas for posting to my blog, but it never gets translated from my mind to the blog. I blame it on the fog.
I wish I had some sort of spray or vacuum or homemade remedy that would lift this fog from me. It is the post baby fog. I am sure there are other types of fogs that people are in, but this is mine for now. I tried for the past three months to deny it saying "no I don't have it this time" and feeling bad for other moms in their fog.
But I got it. It follows me around day and night. And I am sure completely visible to all. Others would call it flaky, forgetful, ignoring, etc. It also probably contains the smell of baby spit up or that I really need to change a nursing pad or even a diaper or two. I know. . gross.
I am not even sure how to explain the fog, but I am sure it is here to stay for a while. I might as well embrace it as it is my last one. However I do get frustrated when I feel that others have felt ignored, that I missed a special occasion, that I completely forgot to send that note, reminder, etc.
So. . to all my wonderful friends and family. I am trying to keep it together, but I am in my fog. (Of which I am trying to escape.) Please just don't take it personally. Maybe I can invent something and sell if for millions because I know I am not the only one that has been in a fog.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Identity Theft
My heart has been heavy the past couple days.
I have come to find that my identity has been stolen! What!?!? Yes it has, but it not my identity involving my credit cards and SS number. It is who I am in Jesus. How the Lord sees me. Having decided to live a life for God there comes a wonderful identity in that. One that is guilt-free, shame-free, full of love, grace and compassion. One that is full of blessing and abundance. One in which God sees me as the greatest thing ever.
Yet so many times I have lost sight of this. So many times I let the past and other things (even great blessings) control what I think of myself and how I feel about myself. And this then comes out in my everyday living.
What a shame that we allow things to steal our identity. I have also talked with others that have described a lost self. I would say that their identities have been robbed. Oh how I am convicted that if we believe that God loves us and we have fully accepted Jesus as the only way to heaven (and frankly through this life) that God has provided us this new identity in Him, one that is awesome, but one that I have to look in the mirror and embrace everyday.
The equally wonderful part is that He longs to give those who don't know Him the same identity He created them to have. Even amidst unbelieving He believes that we are amazing. He longs to be close to us and love on us. It is like taking someone who we don't know at all, knowing their past and present is something we can't stand, and wanting to share family dinners with them every night and dying to adopt them into our family despite the areas we don't agree. Simply AMAZING!
This has just been where my heart is for days. For the small number of people who read this blog, may you be blessed and revel in your true identity.
I have come to find that my identity has been stolen! What!?!? Yes it has, but it not my identity involving my credit cards and SS number. It is who I am in Jesus. How the Lord sees me. Having decided to live a life for God there comes a wonderful identity in that. One that is guilt-free, shame-free, full of love, grace and compassion. One that is full of blessing and abundance. One in which God sees me as the greatest thing ever.
Yet so many times I have lost sight of this. So many times I let the past and other things (even great blessings) control what I think of myself and how I feel about myself. And this then comes out in my everyday living.
What a shame that we allow things to steal our identity. I have also talked with others that have described a lost self. I would say that their identities have been robbed. Oh how I am convicted that if we believe that God loves us and we have fully accepted Jesus as the only way to heaven (and frankly through this life) that God has provided us this new identity in Him, one that is awesome, but one that I have to look in the mirror and embrace everyday.
The equally wonderful part is that He longs to give those who don't know Him the same identity He created them to have. Even amidst unbelieving He believes that we are amazing. He longs to be close to us and love on us. It is like taking someone who we don't know at all, knowing their past and present is something we can't stand, and wanting to share family dinners with them every night and dying to adopt them into our family despite the areas we don't agree. Simply AMAZING!
This has just been where my heart is for days. For the small number of people who read this blog, may you be blessed and revel in your true identity.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
A 4th To Never Forget
So this July 4th, 2009 was the best 4th ever!!! We welcomed Colin Jeffrey Fields into our family at 9:16 am. He was 8 lbs 2 oz (yes big), 19.25 inches long, and PERFECT!!
Below are some pictures of him and the kids and our time together, but first I will give you some (not the details of course) info from our labor, as I love labor stories.
I went into labor at about 145 am on the 4th. A while after that we called our good friends Scott and Janelle and Janelle came over to be with the kids and we called the parents to come from Phoenix. We ended up at the hospital around 330-345 and walked around for a long time. Then the labor progressed fast and with the help of the most AWESOME husband and labor coach Colin was born without complication. And like I said PERFECT. It is always hard to believe that there is that much room in our hearts for that much love, but it is all there. The flood of emotions and love for this baby are as incredible as ever.
Both the kids love Colin and call him "sweetie" and like to hold his hand and kiss his head. Although they do sometimes put their hands over their ears when he cries, they really do not like to see him unhappy. And despite a few tantrums, pushing some limits and outbursts, they are adjusting well too.
I will try to keep you updated when I have a free minute. :) HA!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
How you know you are 9 Months pregnant
This is a quick list of 5 reasons you know your are 9 months pregnant and your other kids know it as well. Sad. . . but true. Almost embarrassing to admit, but I am sure there are more, these are just the ones I could come up with this morning. Enjoy and feel free to add others if you have any! :)
1. Your kids play "drive thru" and one ask the other for "chicken and fries". Nice.
2. Your 4 year old is negotiating no nap and says "but I will play quietly in the play room so you can sleep on the couch".
3. Your kids ask if daddy is doing bath time because it is too hard for you to bend over the tub anymore.
4. Your daughter asks when the baby is coming out because your belly is getting too big.
5. Your kids ask what shows or movies they get to watch today.
1. Your kids play "drive thru" and one ask the other for "chicken and fries". Nice.
2. Your 4 year old is negotiating no nap and says "but I will play quietly in the play room so you can sleep on the couch".
3. Your kids ask if daddy is doing bath time because it is too hard for you to bend over the tub anymore.
4. Your daughter asks when the baby is coming out because your belly is getting too big.
5. Your kids ask what shows or movies they get to watch today.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Good Friends, Good Times
You know there are several times I envy some of you out there. You are a grown adult woman and have this one good friend with kids the exact same age as yours that you do everything with. You keep the same schedules so getting together is easy and the kids get along, you live in the same area, and you could spend almost everyday together and are just THAT close. Similar to a HS best friend.
Recently I have been having my own pity party that I don't have ONE friend like that in Tucson. I have been upset with the Lord that he has not "blessed" me like that.
But boy oh boy did Heshow me what I do have this past weekend. :) Let me share. I have a friend who organized a "pre-baby pedicure party" for me at a local nail place on Saturday. There were 4 loving, giving, amazing, friends that were able to make it and the Lord showed me how truly blessed I am in the the friend area. All of these friends have given gifts for this new baby and all came to hang out and celebrate friendship and impending birth of our son.
They didn't have to come, they could have chose to not spend the money, stay with their families, get their own things done, but they chose to come and I felt very blessed.
We all got a fabulous pedi and then headed to Starbucks for some good girl talk. :) In which I am always in desperate need. :)
When I left Starbucks, not only did I feel refreshed as a mom and wife, but as a friend. And I was so excited that instead of giving me one person that is exactly like me that I can do everything with at every moment, the Lord has blessed me with many friends coming from all different areas in life. Some are moms of older kids, younger, one child to 3 children, pregnant to not wanting to ever be pregnant again, working to stay at home, to working part time. And all different ages and stages in their lives and marriages. The Lord really showed me how important it is for me to learn from these women he has placed in my life and to feel blessed by this.
So now instead of feeling envy as a HS girl, I feel blessed that the Lord has provided me a multitude of blessings and friends. I just pray I can give them as much as they have given me.
Recently I have been having my own pity party that I don't have ONE friend like that in Tucson. I have been upset with the Lord that he has not "blessed" me like that.
But boy oh boy did Heshow me what I do have this past weekend. :) Let me share. I have a friend who organized a "pre-baby pedicure party" for me at a local nail place on Saturday. There were 4 loving, giving, amazing, friends that were able to make it and the Lord showed me how truly blessed I am in the the friend area. All of these friends have given gifts for this new baby and all came to hang out and celebrate friendship and impending birth of our son.
They didn't have to come, they could have chose to not spend the money, stay with their families, get their own things done, but they chose to come and I felt very blessed.
We all got a fabulous pedi and then headed to Starbucks for some good girl talk. :) In which I am always in desperate need. :)
When I left Starbucks, not only did I feel refreshed as a mom and wife, but as a friend. And I was so excited that instead of giving me one person that is exactly like me that I can do everything with at every moment, the Lord has blessed me with many friends coming from all different areas in life. Some are moms of older kids, younger, one child to 3 children, pregnant to not wanting to ever be pregnant again, working to stay at home, to working part time. And all different ages and stages in their lives and marriages. The Lord really showed me how important it is for me to learn from these women he has placed in my life and to feel blessed by this.
So now instead of feeling envy as a HS girl, I feel blessed that the Lord has provided me a multitude of blessings and friends. I just pray I can give them as much as they have given me.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Love/Hate
Okay, so I went to the midwife yesterday and I love the midwives I see, but I have discovered after the formalities and structures and schedules of having 2 kids with an OB/GYN, I have a love/hate relationship. Let me explain.
I went for my 36 week appointment (I KNOW. .. .I can't believe it either!), and at this appointment we discuss the birth plan that Jeff and I wrote up, how things were going, did a quick Group B strep test (which I was able to do myself, which would have NEVER happened at my OBs office), listened to the wonderful heartbeat, was measured and weighed and done until 38 and a half weeks. WHAT!?!? you may ask if you have had an OB, but the midwives feel no need to "check" your progress at 36, 37, 38 , 39, etc weeks. For those of you who do not know what "check" means. . it means check to see if you have dilated or are effaced.
Therefore, I have a love/hate relationship with this method. The midwives will not "check" until after 40 weeks. I do love this because I truly feel that in my case (maybe not for everyone) where I am in dilation and effacement have nothing to do with how soon I will deliver. Let me explain. With my first baby I was checked beginning at 36 weeks every week until 41!!!!! Each week I made significant progress and felt like I could go into labor at any day, however at 41 weeks, almost 5 cm dilated and 90% effaced the girl had to be "smoked out" with a pit IV. She was never coming out.
Now onto my second. When I began being checked with him, I was making slower progress and was only minimally dilated at 36 weeks. Each week I was a bit more, but nothing significant and really I knew better, so I was holding out for another 41 weeker and bam, he mad his arrival at 38 1/2 weeks. So. . . .checking for me does absolutely nothing!! :) It just makes me even more crazy and neurotic than I already am, if that is even possible. This is why I LOVE not being "checked". What I don't know can't make me even more intolerable to live with or anxiety ridden about "any minute now".
Onto the HATE part, to which my oldest would tell me "we don't use that word in this house". Good thing she can't read yet. I hate not being checked, because that is what I have grown accustom to in previous pregnancies and I love being able to tell friends and family when they ask that I am _ cm and _ effaced. I don't know why, as I type it, it sounds even more strange. Oh well, there is something also being said for knowing I guess.
But for now I will stick with the LOVE part as my husband I am sure is at his wits end and does not need an even crazier, neurotic wife on his hands for possibly 4 1/2 more weeks. :)
I went for my 36 week appointment (I KNOW. .. .I can't believe it either!), and at this appointment we discuss the birth plan that Jeff and I wrote up, how things were going, did a quick Group B strep test (which I was able to do myself, which would have NEVER happened at my OBs office), listened to the wonderful heartbeat, was measured and weighed and done until 38 and a half weeks. WHAT!?!? you may ask if you have had an OB, but the midwives feel no need to "check" your progress at 36, 37, 38 , 39, etc weeks. For those of you who do not know what "check" means. . it means check to see if you have dilated or are effaced.
Therefore, I have a love/hate relationship with this method. The midwives will not "check" until after 40 weeks. I do love this because I truly feel that in my case (maybe not for everyone) where I am in dilation and effacement have nothing to do with how soon I will deliver. Let me explain. With my first baby I was checked beginning at 36 weeks every week until 41!!!!! Each week I made significant progress and felt like I could go into labor at any day, however at 41 weeks, almost 5 cm dilated and 90% effaced the girl had to be "smoked out" with a pit IV. She was never coming out.
Now onto my second. When I began being checked with him, I was making slower progress and was only minimally dilated at 36 weeks. Each week I was a bit more, but nothing significant and really I knew better, so I was holding out for another 41 weeker and bam, he mad his arrival at 38 1/2 weeks. So. . . .checking for me does absolutely nothing!! :) It just makes me even more crazy and neurotic than I already am, if that is even possible. This is why I LOVE not being "checked". What I don't know can't make me even more intolerable to live with or anxiety ridden about "any minute now".
Onto the HATE part, to which my oldest would tell me "we don't use that word in this house". Good thing she can't read yet. I hate not being checked, because that is what I have grown accustom to in previous pregnancies and I love being able to tell friends and family when they ask that I am _ cm and _ effaced. I don't know why, as I type it, it sounds even more strange. Oh well, there is something also being said for knowing I guess.
But for now I will stick with the LOVE part as my husband I am sure is at his wits end and does not need an even crazier, neurotic wife on his hands for possibly 4 1/2 more weeks. :)
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