FROM ONE CRAZY MOMMY

For the Love. . . of Reading Week

2012-02-11T16:34:00.001-07:00

I had the opportunity to read for the Love of Reading Week last week at L's school. Each parent who read also told the kids a bit about what they "do".

So the on the eve of my reading date, L asks me what I am reading and that I will have to tell the kids what I "do". I said to her, well I stay at home L, what should I say I "do". (very long pause) She said, "Well you could tell them you make things. Or. . . . ummmmm....Oh I know, tell them how you do LAUNDRY!!!" To which she starts laughing.

So I read my book and then took questions and sure enough one sweet boy said "What do you do?" Then L said out loud in front of her classmates "Tell them about how you do laundry, laundry and laundry!"

Needless to say her teacher found this funny and I laughed as well. I knew that 2 years ago when she stood on her preschool stage and told everyone "When I grow up I want to be a mommy, because I love my mommy", would have to be a memory I clung to for moments just likes these.

So on this Saturday if you are doing laundry, know that I am right there with you! :)

My sweet 'S'- yes again :)

2012-02-02T17:09:00.001-07:00

I am beginning to think this blog could just be about the funny interactions with my sweet, eldest son.

If you have taken Love and Logic parenting courses, you know the words "I love you too much to argue."
Well that has been my mantra this afternoon. And I am a bit tired.

Then I see/hear this.
My sweet boy taking a large wooden pole (the kind used to hold up trees) and using it as a ramming rod against our glass french door. Of course I immediately scream his name and he stops and I send him straight to his room. He begins to argue and I repeat as calm as possible, "Go to your room, I love you too much to argue." And also explain that I am WAAAAY to angry to talk so I will need a few minutes to calm down.

After I take my few minutes we have a conversation about love, actions, why I don't want him to do things that can hurt him, etc. I wanted to share part of it.

Me: Who loves you even more than mommy and daddy?
S: Hmmmmm. (long pause) I am trying to decide between God and Jesus! ummmm, ummmm, GOD!!!
Me: That is right, God loves you even more than. . . .
S interrupts: Yeah I knew it was God because Jesus is just a baby and is tiny. :)

This made me laugh aloud and yes, I know we have a bit more training to do about Jesus getting past the infant stage, but in my defense it was just Christmas. Just add it to my list of things I need to teach my kids.

Have a great rest of your week!

Zoo Moments: Brought to you by the middle child

2012-01-25T19:05:00.000-07:00

Here are my "kid in the middle" stories today from the zoo.

Story 1:

Me: Look guys there is the mama lion and her 2 cubs! She has three, but I don't see the third out and about.
S: He probably smacked his mom on the head and is in time out. (Said very matter-of-fact)

Story2:
The elephants and the zebras are near one another at the Tucson zoo. L and S walked over to the Zebras (where I could still see them) and C and I stayed watching the elephant keepers putting out food. We are all having a nice time. Then, I looked toward the zebras. There, facing me, was my sweet five year old, S, pants down to his ankles peeing on a zoo tree!! My quick response was a yell (that could be heard to PHX) of his FULL name. He knew. . BUSTED! He quickly pulled up is pants and came over. I made him sit on the bench until I could compose myself and explain in a kids version, indecent exposure. His response. "Yeah I shouldn't do that because no one really wants to see my penis."

I hope you laughed as hard as Jeff did when I called him at work to relay the story.
Have a great rest of your Wednesday!

Mindful Snapshots

2012-01-09T14:09:00.001-07:00

I feel that I have been reminded over and over these past few weeks to take what I have decided to call "mindful snapshots". Mindful meaning in my mind and purposeful. Snapshots, obviously meaning pictures.

Maybe the best way to describe it was the mindful shot I have in my mind from yesterday. Let me describe the scene. We had lunch after a great morning at church, just the five of us at Culvers. The snapshot is all of us sitting at the table. Sean snuggling his daddy almost on his lap, content and smiling, Jeff laughing while Lauren sits next to him laughing with her toothless grin, I am across from them with Colin putting his sweet hugging arms around my neck saying "mommy" in a little voice. I chose to make that a mindful snapshot as we were all there, all loving each other, all laughing. We had no agenda right then, no place to be, nothing to do other than be there in that moment sharing time with one another. My heart was so full. Who would have guessed that a Sunday afternoon lunch at Culvers could hold such a moment?

Therefore, I have decided to take more mindful snapshots, more times that I just stop, live in the moment and take it in. I know this sounds morbid to some, but it is absolutely true that life is short and 30 seconds from now I could no longer abide on this earth. Some I know can't stand when I talk like that, and I get that it can be scary and sad, but it is reality. Yet, because of grace the promise of new life for me is a gain, so it doesn't bother me.

I want to live in those moments, for I believe that they are gifts from above. I believe that they are the moments that make pain, stress, agony, and turmoil disappear from our lives even if only from an provide peace, love, happiness, joy, and contentment.

I hope to posting more descriptions of my mindful snapshots and would love to hear some of yours as well.

The Place for Santa

2011-12-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

I have read a lot of things recently about the place for Santa, especially among the christian community. And I am not here to judge. Santa comes to visit our house every year, yet I thought you'd like to see where we place Santa in our house. I think this pictures says it all. :)

More Than a Run

2011-12-06T10:50:00.001-07:00

This past weekend was great, but was so much more than just a 1/2 marathon for me. :) I have been so excited to share my thoughts with you and hope that I can get it all out and coherent while C watches Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. . we will see.

So this weekend was great for the run, for our marriage, and for my mind, soul and heart.

First, the run. It was great to run the strip at night! But did you know that although the strip looks very long, it is truly only about 3 miles one way. So a lot of the run was through neighborhoods with homes and businesses which was okay, but the strip at night was by far the best part. I caught myself several times smiling at all the lights and in amazement that the whole street was closed and I got to run on it! Well run/walk/jog on it!

The race was very crowded, not a place where if you were going for a personal record I think you wanted to be. It was very hard to get through the crowd and move forward. They began with a wave start, but I guess they quickly abandoned that theory and everyone just went at once, which made for slow going at first. I mainly just walked the first part because I could walk as fast as some were jogging and there was no room to move. So that was nice as I could take in all the lights and truly appreciate the run. I met some amazing people in my corral, yes they call them corrals, just like cattle. A women who chose this to be her first 1/2 and another who has a goal to finish a half marathon in every state. They were amazing women. I had two personal goals in this race and met one, which was just finish in less than 3 hours and that was accomplished! The other one, I will try to set in Phoenix for that 1/2 in about 6 weeks. I guess I better get to the speed training then huh? I have no end race picture because it was so cold and raining off and on, I just wanted a nice warm shower!

This was a good once in a lifetime race, but I think they need to plan a bit better in the future to get the bugs figured out. I was probably mid-pack of all the 1/2 marathon people and at several water stations there was little to no water left, so that meant that all the people behind me likely did not get any water and that is bad, especially when it happens at mile 7. Also, they ran out of medals for participants!!! Oh my, that is not good. So, if you are planning on doing it, give them couple years to get the bugs figured out!

Leaving for this one was also really good for our marriage. It is good to be away without 3 small monsters (and I mean that in the kindest way) in tow. There is something about sharing a meal together and not having to cut up food or having anyone not like it or want to snag it off your plate. It is nice to worry about only yourself for a bit, sleep in, take NAPS, and not have to be somewhere to do pick up or drop off. We saved our 10th anniversary dinner for a beautiful and amazing restaurant in Vegas called Andres. It was the nicest dinner we have ever had, and the food was WONDERFUL! Jeff gambled and we just hung out and just spent time "being". It was good and I am blessed to have such a wonderful husband who totally supported me, spent a long time just looking with me at the expo, and waiting in the cold for me to finish. AMAZING! :)

And lastly, this was good for my mind, soul, and heart. As you know I was very anxious about the run. I know I should not have been, but I just couldn't calm my nerves. So that morning I was listening to my iPod and had a little epiphany. The song by Nicole Nordeman "You are Good" came on here are the lyrics.

When the sun starts to rise

And I open my eyes

You are good, so good

In the heat of the day

With each stone that I lay

You are good, so good

With every breath I take in

I'll tell you I'm grateful again

When the moon climbs high

Before each kiss goodnight

You are good

When the road starts to turn

Around each bend I've learned

You are good, so good

And when some body's hand

Holds me up, helps me stand

You are so good

With every breath I take in

I'll tell You I'm grateful again

'Cause its more than enough

Just to know I am loved

and You are good

So how can I thank You

What can I bring

What can these poor hands

Lay at the feet of a King

I'll sing You a love song

It's all that I have

To tell You I'm grateful

For holding my life in Your hands

When it's dark and it's cold

And I can't feel my soul

You are so good

When the world is gone gray

And the rain's here to stay

You are still good

So with every breath I take in

I'll tell You I am grateful again

And the storm might swell

Even then it's well and You are good

I know that was long, but I cried (I know shocking) as I listened to these words over and over. The run was not about pleasing others there, or making my time I had planned, or even about pleasing my husband and making him think I was a super cool runner. It was about an audience of One. I have learned that when running there is a stride and a breathing pattern that is specific to each runner. And as I listened to the words "with every breath I take in , I will tell You how grateful I am", I thought about my breathing pattern in running. And when the song talked about what kind of offering I could bring to someone who loves me unconditionally with total grace, I thought, my gift is my run. My run was a gift to my audience of One. My run was a small offering of just how grateful I am for the blessings and just how good my God is, no matter what.

So there is my long story about the run. I hope you were able to hang in there to know my heart and hear my story. If not, that is okay. . it was long. :)

As we are beginning the Christmas season, I pray that you would be blessed and feel love and experience grace as you never have before, for there is nothing more to be grateful for than this.

At the Expo

Trying to stay warm about 1 hour before race time

Now I am am REALLY trying to stay warm before race time in about 15 minutes

Fear

2011-11-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

So I have fear. I hate to admit it, but I fear a lot of things, even weird things. My current battle with fear involves this half marathon in 4 DAYS!!! And yes that was me very much emphasizing the time I have left.   I have gone back to look at my other posts in March, April and May about my first half and I remember feeling similar about that one, but this one comes with new fears of course.

I remember my sister thinking I was crazy at the starting line in May because I thought I was going to throw up. I remember thinking there was this big cartoon arrow over my head that all 60,000 people could see saying "Psst . . she is not a TRUE runner like the rest of you. . she is faking it!!".   Then I remember her pointing out a woman probably in her 60's wearing jean capri pants and saying, "At least you know you will beat her!" And instead of agreeing I thought she would probably kick my @&$ in her stupid jean capri pants.

I also have had to coach my sweet husband on this whole half thing. There are many amazing women runners that work with him, and are participating, but they are fast and run all the time. I know they will beat me, but I have had to coach him on what not to say to me at the finish line. For example, do not say "Good job! I was worried about you because I saw Chris finish an hour ago! I thought something happened to you." Yes that is NOT what you want to say.

I had forgotten how long 13 miles was until I did about 10 on Sunday. Ummm yeah it is a long way. Oh I know I will finish, but I still have these stupid fears. My anxiety has been high all week. I even did a run this morning and it was awful, which did not help my self talk.

When it comes to beating yourself up, I am the queen. No one can make me feel worse than I do about myself. So I have decided I really need to let it go. If people think I am a non runner. . let them. Because I am a run/walker. :) If Jeff's colleagues think I am slow, at least I am moving! And then I remembered this morning that this is just practice for January. For when I run for Sam! I run for Sam because I can, I will run because I can and there are so many people that cannot.

So I am working on just going and enjoying my time, having great time with my husband, sleeping in, and completing a "little" run.    However, I do wish I had a sign that said to race officials and others, "Yes I know it looks like I am going to die in the first 2 miles, but it takes me that long to get my stride." HAHA! And I realize that there are only few that will get that. . .and my hubby is not one.

I will let you know what happens when I return!!

My White Boys

2011-11-13T17:54:00.000-07:00

As a mom I know that this is not the best music genre for my kids. But I love this video of them as it makes me laugh so hard. Have a great week ahead!

Disneyland: The Happiest Place on Earth?!?!?!

2011-11-01T20:59:00.000-07:00

We have made the promise/deal that when each child turns 5 in our home we will take a family trip to Disneyland and California Adventure to celebrate. That is their party and present for birthday number 5. Well my sweet S turned 5 on Monday, October 24th so we went during the fall break. It was great and we had fun. It actually also made me feel like a typical wife/mother/woman, and the following scenario will explain why.

Picture this: About 7 pm a family is waiting for the parking shuttle as we walk by on the way back to our hotel. The family has three young kids, about the same ages as ours. As we walk past we see the mom very clearly telling the dad something. Probably something about what they need to do, didn't do, or how she needs him to help her more as the kids are tired and exhausted, as is she. As she is talking, the smallest of the three is throwing herself on the ground crying and has clearly had too much Mickey Mouse, and at the same time the dad is taking his frustrations out on the umbrella stroller folding it shall we say in a VERY aggressive manner.

This whole scene made our evening as we walked past. Why? Because that is our family. That is what happens to us ALL the time. Jeff and I both laughed and not at the couple and their family, but a laugh of relief and thankfulness that it was not our moment. We did have those moments in the parks. And I just hope another family could benefit and say "Thank God, it was not our turn!"

On more than one occasion I saw a wife arguing with her husband about something and the husband being very frustrated. I saw kids throwing tantrums just like mine in line and over ice cream and due to pure exhaustion. This made me happy. I know, very sick of me huh? But was a welcome relief as when you are a spouse and/or parent there are times you think you are the only one who ______. Fill it in with whatever you might think you are the only one on God's green earth to do, and in reality you are not alone.

We had a great trip and the grandparents were even able to come for a couple days as well. It was busy, but a great birthday celebration.

Halloween 2011

2011-10-31T21:01:00.000-07:00

One Batty Night

2011-09-26T15:43:00.000-07:00

The first grade at L's school has a whole unit on bats. She has done a couple bat projects and knows more about bats than I ever will. To end this unit and as a fun day before break, the kids had a bat breakfast and a bunch of bat centers on Friday morning at school. Jeff was able to take the morning off to spend in her classroom (which she loved).

To end the day all of the first grade classrooms have a "Bat Night". A local bridge at the Pantano Wash in town is the home to thousands of bats and at dusk they all fly off, so the first grade classes use this as a family get together for the end of the unit. Each first grade teacher asks their students to bring in a shirt and then that teacher decorates the shirts for all the students in their class. They also get bat goody bags to take home. It is a great family event. So this past Friday was bat night. It was SUPER hot, but we were there and did get to see some bats. I took video but will not post it as you can barely see the bats. (Obviously I am not a videographer.) Here are pictures of the evening.

Annual Labor Day Trip

2011-09-08T12:32:00.000-07:00

For the past nine years there has been an annual labor day trip. Well, we did miss one, so for eight years Jeff and I, and sometimes the kids have been vacationing for three days with some AMAZING people. There are five couples total. I went to college with all of the women and even went to high school with one of them. Needless to say we have known each other for a while. These women have also married amazing men and nine years ago we decided to do an annual trip.

We all get along very well and for some of us it is the only time we get to see each other all year due to geography. The guys sometimes play golf or watch football and the girls hang out and sometimes find a local spa. I love these friends. This year I really realized that they fall into the life long friend category. You know those kind of friends that you don't talk with or see frequently, but you can pick up fast and you know that whatever would come my way they would always have my back, ALWAYS. I have laughed hysterically and cried hysterically with them. So enough for that here is a very abbreviated weekend from Labor Day 2011.

This year I only have two pictures. Why you ask? Well because I always forget to take my camera out because we are having way to much fun. Funny that they are from the very first day and then the last night.

The first day driving from Reno to Lake Tahoe. Yep that is my husband getting a big fat speeding ticket. FYI the speed limit along those roads is 50. Jeff thought it was 68. HAHAHA! At least the officer was nice and I was able to take a quick picture from the back. I am sure I could get in trouble for this pic on some level, but it was too good. Don't turn me in! :)

This was the last night. This is Melissa or Mindi and her sweet daughter Megan whom I adore. It was a great Monday night.

I am not sure what to share as we kind of a have a saying "what happens on the couples trip stays on the couples trip". :) HAHA! No, really there was a bunch of laughs, good food, great people, sleeping in, time on the boat, time talking, ESPN watching, and maybe even a new tattoo thrown in there. And no it wasn't me!

Thank you my dear friends for an amazing time! We love you!

GET AWAY!!

2011-08-31T15:01:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I am that mom.(oh and to meet another "that" mom, go to her web site you can see it over this way---->).
I remember a story once that a women would tell before I had kids. To make a long story short it was about her just wanting to leave, to just run far away to a place with no children. Of course as a young woman without kids I was appalled! I thought, where is CPS when you need them and I will never feel that way about my kids, how could she?!?!?!? Well what is that old saying? Oh yeah, NEVER SAY NEVER, AS NEVER IS FOREVER AND FOREVER IS A LONG TIME.
Now there are days I long to run away. To get away from the crying, the yelling, the fighting, and yes even sometimes the hanging all over me part.

When I first had a sweet daughter I didn't seem to need as much time away, but when we added to our numbers I needed more. I used to feel horribly guilty about it. Especially when we'd get a sitter. That the sitter cost too much, that after all they were my kids and I should care for them, no one can put them to bed like mommy, and the list went on and on. I don't feel like that so much anymore. In fact just a couple weeks ago I realized I was at the end of my rope. I hired a sitter and went to a 10 am movie all by myself with red vines and a diet coke. Then I went home and was a much happier and better mom. I obviously don't feel guilty any longer. I just realized that it is OK, because as a mom you know you don't even go to the bathroom by yourself. I have found when I have time by myself to just be and do what I want, I come home and feel better about kids hanging off me, doing laundry is not quite as painful, and I can hear about the tag game at school while on the toilet.

So. . my message to you!? Just do it! Don't feel guilt and definitely don't let the bag packers (Pack your bags your going on a guilt trip people) say anything to get to you. Your kids might whine, or cry, or even run screaming after you when you exit. But trust me they will not be scarred for life because mommy went to Bunco, the show is just for you. Oh and some bag packers who are also moms will tell you they NEVER go out and that they love spending time with their kids, and they can never leave them, and their spouse would be upset, and you just get to have fun, yada, yada, yada. My kind words about those moms; smile, nod head yes, and ignore them. :) Go out, relax, have a nice time and be the better mommy.

PS I do get to get away this weekend sans kids and am thrilled. And they probably want to get rid of me too based upon our week. :)

Art from Preschool

2011-08-24T14:47:00.000-07:00

So here is a large self portrait from sweet Sean's preschool.

I have no words. I have not even asked him to describe it all to me yet, because I need to work on my poker face.

A Girl and Her Daddy

2011-08-24T14:36:00.000-07:00

So I have a very sweet and sometimes feisty 6 year old daughter. I have often wondered where women learn the skills of getting what they want from men. What starts this behavior and how do they work on it? Well. . .I have found my answer. With their daddies of course. I know, I know Freud would love this, here is our story nonetheless.

L: Mommy I want a tv in my room.
Me: You are never getting a tv in your room.
L: That is fine, when daddy gets home I will just say to him "Daddy, I want a tv in my room. " He will get back in his car and go to the store and buy me a tv.
Me: HE WILL NOT!!
L: He won't because you will talk to him first and tell him to say no. So instead I will just go to drivers school, learn how to drive and then go to the store myself and get my tv and bring it home.
Me: You have to be sixteen to drive.
L: Oh.. . .

REALLY?!?!? Did I really have that conversation with my 6 year old? Yes I did. . .what do you think it will look like at 16? Yikes.

Then and Now

2011-08-19T13:21:00.000-07:00

So I have been going through pictures and I got a bit emotional.
This is Lauren's first day of preschool ever!

This was the first day of first grade this year.

This was Sean the very first day of his preschool years.

This is the first day of his last year of preschool.

Time flies when you are having fun!!

San Diego 2011: A wonderful trip

2011-07-20T21:25:00.002-07:00

Naps on the beach

Happy 2nd Birthday! Happy 4th of July! All at Sea World!

We discovered C hates characters.

Eating Dinner waiting for Shamu show and fireworks.

He fell asleep during the fireworks.

Breakfast outside. This would not have happened in Tucson!

Fell asleep during "the mouse". Mickey that is.

Seaport village!

Ferry to Coronado

This was a great bike ride and a great work out as Jeff and I were the only ones pedaling.

Everyone but daddy was buried in the sand.

Relaxation!!!

They do love each other!!

I even let the kids bury me!

All a little bit Casey Anthony. . .

2011-07-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

So, there is a ton of opinion on Casey Anthony. To be honest I have tried to stay away from most of it. Having been a social worker with CPS cases and having worked in the hospital, you really see enough and I have no desire to watch a trial to hear about a sweet baby losing her life.

After the verdict came in there was several (understatement) opinions being expressed. From media, celebrities, and a ton on FB. I saw this post on a friends FB page of a tweet made by the lead singer of Tenth Avenue North.

            "One day, God will pour out justice on Casey Anthony. Or Christ will bear it for her. And so it is with all of us. Something in us longs for justice. Something in us begs for grace. Only at the cross are both preserved & perfectly displayed."

This is summed up exactly what I thought.
Here is what I have learned over my journey the past few years about humans and grace.

Like it or not. ..

                     We are ALL capable of ANYTHING given the right circumstances.

Yes, I said it and believe it. We are all capable of addiction, no matter how strong willed or in control we think we are. We are all capable of severe anger, no matter how passive or flexible we think we are. All marriages are capable of divorce no matter what fairy tale marriage we might have at this moment. And yes we are ALL capable of doing the unthinkable give the right circumstances.

I am so tired of judgement. I am totally guilty of it, but I don't want to be that person because I know in my heart of hearts that NOTHING makes me any better than any other person walking the face of this earth.

I guess I do long for justice.

           But I much more relate to begging for grace. Thank God for it.

Boston

2011-07-02T21:40:00.000-07:00

Last week I was blessed to be able to accompany my sweet husband on a business trip to Boston. He called late on a Friday afternoon and said he had to go for work and did I want to go with him? I am not sure I could have said yes any faster! Boston is an amazing city, one I could visit over and over again. Here are some pictures and things I have learned while in Boston.

To walk any where just don't pay attention to the lights. Jaywalking is a must to get anywhere fast.
There is a crazy culture difference between the coasts. Not as much skin shows in Boston as in San Diego or even Tucson for that matter. And yes. . I was a pretty brown white person in comparison to white folks in Boston.

Oh how I love the water. I love lakes, rivers, oceans. I love the water. I am obviously living in the wrong place. There is something so wonderful and peaceful about water.

You can get a beer on almost any corner everywhere. Taverns in Boston are like Circle K's in Arizona.

I must have an accent, but I want to know what it sounds like compared to the Bawwwston accent. Does anyone know what it sounds like??

Fenway is a cool place to see baseball game. And that is an understatement.

There is really no car needed in Boston and I would love to take my kids, but only when they can carry their own stuff.

Many, many places serve grilled cheese. I love grilled cheese.

It was great. . here are some pictures. :)

No Regrets?

2011-06-17T22:33:00.000-07:00

So I watch trash tv reality shows. I know it is a horrible habit. And they really do suck me in because half the time I really can't believe what is actually going on in them. However at the end of all reality experiences there are those wrap up shows. You know the ones. They ask all the participants a million questions and in those questions is always: Did you regret ______ this season? And to that question I always hear the same answers. No, not at all, I dont' regret anything. It was an experience. I learned from it. Life is too short to have regrets.

HA! To those answers I say you are full of crap! Really there is not one thing you have ever regretted, wished you could have done over or maybe tweaked a bit. So what, you learned from it, but really let's be honest. I have regrets. I regret that we didn't travel to Europe before we had kids. Does that mean I regret having kids? Absolutely not, but if I could go back I will would have traveled to Europe before kids. I would have applied for this one job in Detroit years ago too, would I have taken it if it was offered? Maybe not, but hindsight I should have gone for it. I would not have let fear stand in the way of some of my decisions. What about simple things like regretting that extra piece of chocolate cake that made me have to work extra hard to lose weight? I shouldn't have had it, if I had gone back I would have changed it.

According the to the dictionary.com regret is disappointment, or being upset over a past action. Really? These reality starts have never felt that? Some synonyms are heartache, discomfort, and concern. Maybe we don't like the word regret because we don't like to think we ever make mistakes. We like to think that we have done everything right, to the best of our ability, that we are in control.

Well, I have not done everything right and if I looked back I would tweak a few things, but I don't think that makes me a bad person. Or that I have admitted that I have failed in life. I think I have done pretty darn good. Now that you know that, I can't take the credit, as anything good that has happened has been a blessing from heaven that is for sure! So I think these reality stars are missing something, I think if they are alone thinking about it they would totally regret something. . .I mean, can you at least regret saying demeaning and hurtful things about another person??

What Women Want

2011-06-02T11:46:00.000-07:00

This morning my sweet girl came out looking like this.. .

All put together with necklaces, bracelets, make-up, and all dressed. It wasn't so much what she looked like that got my attention, but what she said. As she came out of her room she exclaimed "TELL ME I LOOK FANTASTIC!!" And without hesitation I told her "YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!"

Then I realized this is what we all want. Everyone likes to be told they look and are fantastic! So to all of my friends and even those of you I don't know YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!!!

Oh yes. . then I told her the make up had to come off before the visit to the dentist. . that is the mom in me! :)

Nasty Women, Nasty Me

2011-05-24T16:10:00.000-07:00

I have thought a lot about women the past few days. And I am beginning to see sometimes why men say "women, ugh!" Now I will speak only for myself as I do not want to just say that all women are alike and I am sure what I am about it say is complete fiction in your world. But I need some work. Here are my thoughts.

I can be and have been on occasion a very mean and nasty woman. Yes I will admit to the fact that I have many times compared myself to other women and I have gone to other friends to gossip about other women. And I have decided I am mean and nasty. Not that any other woman reading this has done this, only me, I am sure.

We should be so nice to each other. We should compliment each other and look out for each other, but instead we say mean things or have nasty attitudes about others. For example, I see a beautiful, thin, fit woman with five kids and instead of saying how nice she looks, in my mind I wonder what is wrong with her. I secretly hope that she had a lot of work done. Or worse, I call my closest girlfriend to make assumptions about so-called-woman's attitude and how she must think she is "all that" and look for great validation from my friend about it. Seriously. . I have issues!!

I then thought about the Mary and Martha story from the bible. You know the one where Mary chose to sit at the feet of Jesus and spend time with Him and Martha ran around the house like a chicken with her head cut off cooking and cleaning for Jesus. Now the bible does not put it exactly that way, but I can only imagine. I also had these thoughts: I wonder if Mary and Martha then went to their best girlfriends or others and said "Can you believe what she did!?!?!" I can just hear the phrases in my mind, you know the ones: "she thought she was so much better than me!" or "I cannot believe she did that!" You may tell me that they did nothing of the sort but I don't believe you. :)

Or think about the movement that gave women the right to vote. All of these amazing women coming together to march and hold rallies for a single cause. However, I can also see the infighting about who got to type the memo, who led the rally or what so and so was wearing. Or theses statements: can you believe how that woman talked to my husband or she has really put on some weight since we did those sashes, it barely fits her. The comments probably went on and on.

WHY DO WE oh I mean, I REACT THIS WAY!?! I have come to a conclusion and it ain't pretty. Because I am jealous and/or I want to feel better about me and what I am doing as a woman, mom, and wife. Plain and simple, no way around it, that is the basis for all the negative things I have or might say about other women. And I am sad as I type this, because all the women I know are amazing. Even the ones I disagree with, because without them I would not use my brain to think about the facts behind why I disagree with them. To all you very skinny women, yes even those of you that are my best friends, I have loathed that you wear a size 2. Not you just the size you wear. But I should be saying how awesome you look and admire the time and commitment you have to stay at a size 2 after kids. And to all of you perfect moms who have never let your kids watch tv and all your kids can write their name by age 3, I have talked about you being crazy. When in reality I should ask you how you do it so maybe I can attempt to accomplish the discipline and creative ideas that you have come up with for you kids.

To all of you. I am sorry.

So I have put it out there. I might have zero women friends after this blog since I am sure I am the only one who does this sort of thing. But I have made a conscious effort the past few days to only let the things that come out of my mouth be uplifting. To put away those negative thoughts and turn them to positive ones. I do this because it is right and we are all on the same team. And in my beliefs we were all made by the same wonderful God who loves more than we can fathom.

So. . we will see if I still have friends after this. . . :)

Picked Last At Recess

2011-05-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

So as you know and I am sure I have talked about way too much, I finished my first half marathon this past weekend. That is right 13.1 miles. And it was AWESOME!!!

We ran around the Indianapolis Speedway which began at about mile 6.5. During this part there were different HS cheer leading groups that would cheer us on, some with themes and some just cheering as loud as they could to help us through the next 2.5 miles of track. There was a girl holding a sign that said "Do it for all the girls who were picked last at recess!" Now I wish I saw that one, but my sister saw it and when she told me about it at the end we both cried. If you were ever picked last at anything or picked on, you will know exactly why we cried.

I cried a lot when I cross the finish line on Saturday. Partly due to the flood of emotions I felt upon finishing and partly because my knee felt as though it might just come apart, or maybe it would have felt better if it did.

I have never been a true athlete. I was a mediocre at best softball player from ages 5 to 17, but I have known several amazing athletes that I went to school with and wouldn't dare classify myself in their standings. So this run/walk was a feat in and of itself for me. After all, before this time I would have told you that running was just crazy and I would only run if I was on fire or being chased. I even lived with an amazing runner in college and I thought she was nuts for getting up so early just to run around Flagstaff in the cold. :) And let's face it, I am not at all built like a runner. I will never be a size two, maybe in heaven but certainly not here. And I have had three kids and that does not always make a body better. So yes. . I am not an athlete.

But I am a mother, and I have learned that sometimes we moms need to do something that is our own. Not stuff that is "kind of" for us, but will really benefit the kids or the husband or the extended family or our closest girlfriends. Something that is only ours, something that we can be selfish about. Now, I realize that many of you might disagree with this philosophy and that is okay, but I like having a thing that is only mine and I don't have to share. And that for me was this training and this running. It was mine. At times it was hours by myself to be in silence or yes to even listen to some music that might have a lyric that is not appropriate for my kids to hear. It was time for me.

I did it because people thought I couldn't. I have a lot of great "ideas" that float around in my head. And a lot of them I do not ever follow through on. But if I am nothing else I am stubborn. I know that there were several people in my life that would have never said so to my face, but truly in their heart thought I would never complete the half or all of the training necessary to do it. I am sure there were several reasons for their doubt. Several times I ran I could hear the voices in my head. "She is not in shape enough to do that kind of mileage." "She has attempted other things before and never done them, I am sure this is just one of those things she has to get out of her system." "She doesn't look like a runner." "What is she going to do with the kids when she has to do all that training?" As my sister and I joked after the race she had the same thoughts about people who thought she would never do it, and kindly we say to you all . . suck it.

As I know that last sentence was harsh, trust me nothing is worse than my own self doubt and fear. The fear that I wouldn't make it, the fear that I would be the last person of 35,000 people to finish a race. The fear that I would be laughed at or questioned at the race about my authenticity as a runner. I am always harder on myself than anyone else could be.

On the other side there were cheer leaders for me that supported me and called me and let me know that slow is okay and that I could do it and it would all be so fun and wonderful. To you, I sincerely thank you, you are my heroes and heroines! I can never repay or even begin to explain how much your kind words and support meant to me.

For many years, I have heard the bible verse that Paul wrote in 2 Timothy about fighting the good fight, finishing the race and keeping the faith. These words mean so much more to me now than they did months ago. To keep on keeping on despite tired legs, bad knees, to get it done even when there didn't seem enough time. When the training schedule went array to get back up and start again. All of this can be compared to how I want to live my life.

So now you maybe can see why I cried at the end. If I can do this anyone can do it no matter what others think of you or what you think of yourself.

So I urge you to think about your bucket list. What is on it? What is the race you want to run? And just do it, keep the faith and do it, because it is a feeling like no other crossing the finish line.

What is Heavy On My Heart

2011-05-01T20:37:00.000-07:00

These families are on my heart tonight.

http://rockstarronan.com/

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/chriswaddell

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/garritytwins

Swearing Kids

2011-04-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

So I know that good parents like myself never swear at all in front of their kids. If wonderful cherubs like mine were to ever open their mouths and heaven forbid any "potty" language would come out, that would only be because of something they MUST have heard elsewhere. You know the bus, recess, from the neighborhood kids, anywhere but our always put together, lovely, pure, "potty" language-free, shouting-free home. :)
Well, I am going to let you know right now, if I tell you all that, I am lying to you. If my middle son ever shouts out the words "OH S#@T!" I can honestly say it came from me, his not always appropriate mother. Yes, as much as I would like to place the blame on other kids, or even my own husband, the blame lies with me. He has heard it twice from me in one week.

Here is one of the stories:
We have a small water feature/pond in our backyard, there is a decorative fence around it, and both older kids have stayed out of because we just said no. However, have you met our third angel baby?
When cooking dinner yesterday the door to the back was open, but all three kids were outside. And yes I know a whole CPS issue arises that I was cooking and I did allow my very mature 6 year old to look after the 21 month old. Anyway, my middle son comes in and yells "MOM, C is in the pond!" Knowing all the stories I have heard about babies being able to drown in inches and small buckets of water, I immediately throw down my cooking utensil, proceed to yell "OH S#@T!", and run out the back door. Only to find he was not actually submerged in the pond water, but standing next to it. Whew! He proceed to go to time out and I proceeded to ignore the fact I just swore in front of my 4 year old, and go back to cooking.

I will not bore you with the other story as it involves being locked out of my parents house, after laying by the pool, having to jump a fence to go to the neighbors (not clothed well) to actually get back in the house where my 21 month old son was sleeping by himself. Oh my adventures!

So, I have outed myself. I am venturing to guess that I am not the only parent that cannot use the bus, recess, or neighborhood kids as an excuse to why my kids might one day use some "potty" talk.

One Hot Mess

2011-04-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

And no I don't mean hot as in attractive just sweaty and actually hot. :)

So, I have been doing this half marathon training. I was out the other day just feeling like a mess. I have had this really crappy set back with my right knee. It doesn't want to cooperate when jogging past about 2.5 to 3 miles. In fact I have tried to run past that and I just look horrible, I can't bear any weight on it. I have been to the doctor and without an MRI, there is no "real" diagnosis. I thought it was getting better last week as I was on the treadmill and hardly had any pain. But alas that only lasted a few days and then again on my long run by mile 3, I look like a mess and my knee hates me. So I am then forced to do a speed walk for the rest of the assigned miles. I often think that I am that "aww" person you pass on the road. You know them, the ones who you pass in your car that frankly look as though they are exhausted, that they are on their second marathon of the day, slower than a desert tortoise and you want to cheer for them in hopes that they might do better- one hot mess-that is me.

So, anyway this knee thing is beyond disappointing. It hurts, physically, emotionally and mentally. I actually feel like a loser. But I am learning that more in this experience about "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry". So I am adjusting my thoughts. One of my adjustments has been to decide to plan my next half even though I have not finished this one (only 11 days from now). It will be the PF Changs in Phoenix/Tempe in January 2012. That way I have the whole hot summer to get my knee fixed with my doctor because who really wants to train in 110+ degrees!

Now for my deep thought. This whole training, set back, race thing is really like life. We can plan and plan and plan, but it doesn't always go our way. Sometimes we have to make adjustments no matter how much it physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually pains us, it just has to happen. And sometimes we still have to do those things even though we don't want to, even though we want to fight it with all our might and try and tell ourselves that we can just keep on doing what we are doing and run through the pain. In the end, if we keep running with the pain because we want to, the knee will be worse and maybe never have a chance to heal or run again.

So, in 11 days I will take this hot mess to Indiana and at least I know I will finish! :)

Move Over for Food

2011-04-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

This is what I overheard L saying to her brother this morning:
"You know if you love Jesus, He lives inside of you. When you eat and the food goes down your body, Jesus just moves over. "
:) Love this!

Birthday Renewal

2011-04-04T13:47:00.000-07:00

So, I am going to be pretty candid that the past 6 months have been rough ones for me. In the past I have laughed and yes, even mocked others who were so concerned about getting older. I laughed at the "real housewives" who seemed obsessed about botox and lifts and other things. I never understood why age was so painful to some. Until about 6 months ago. If you are one of the 4 people that read my blog, then you will know I had a post baby crisis. I do believe that is when I also realized I was getting old, well older.

I have no longer laughed at the thought of plastic surgery and yes I have a top 5 things I would like to have cosmetically changed. Gravity and three kids has taken a toll. Just being honest. But I think the hardest part was mentally and emotionally realizing that even though I felt somewhere between 21-25, I was really 10+ years older than that. YIKES! That means to the college kids I know, I am old.   And it just hit me a couple months before my 34th birthday.
I started to wonder what happened. Where were the 10+ years between how I mentally feel and where I actually am?. What happened to my body, my life, me. Was I losing myself in everything.  Should I have stayed working and become more involved in policy and evaluation, should we have taken more vacations before kids, should I have done something super "important" that gained national recognition, have I made the right choices for my family, etc. Those questions you ask yourself late at night when no one is listening but God.

Basically you can say that God and I have been wrestling, talking, yelling, ignoring. Let's face it, I have really done all those things, He has just been there to take it all. I have been upset, I mean really upset and tired. I first complained about things I disliked in my own life, then I yelled about the hurts of people. I yelled about the fact I have friends who are facing things in their lives that I would not wish on my worst enemy and they were "good" people. That they never deserved these situations and grief. I have been upset that I have felt stuck, not really "doing" something that I think has a real impact, I have faced shame, and I have been on empty. I felt like in the past 6 months I was just crabby, tired, spent and no one was meeting my needs, not even my God.

So recently I just said I will wait. I told God I would do what I had to do as a wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, etc. But I was just going to have to wait on him for some kind of renewal or confirmation or (as silly as this sounds) a sign, that I was going to make it, that it was good and He still had control no matter what happened and that I would once again not feel so empty.

He ended my waiting game on my 34th birthday in a shocking and surprising way. I say that because Jeff and the kids were out of town in Phx for my birthday and I was scheduled to work all day at church. I would be doing the nursery job for the morning and then setting up and helping to host the baby dedication for 18 families with their 200+ guests that afternoon/evening. So when I got up in the morning, I was not feeling that this would be a day of renewal. In fact, I believed I was actually sacrificing and unselfishly giving up sleep, maybe a pedicure and a nice dinner, in order to work for others (yes I am prideful. . still working on that).

But I was wrong. For the first time in months I was filled to the brim with joy. I laughed and cried. God had come through for me in a big way and it was through every stranger, friend, and family that I came in contact with yesterday, even my own. And the fun part is that most of them had no clue that they were filling me. I don't even know how to explain it other than sometimes when we think we are serving others we benefit much more than those we are serving.

The dedication was awesome! I was so excited for our families and that they allowed us to share and be a part of something very special in their lives. As I was standing in the back of the celebration at the end watching the families and their guests pray for their little ones and the parents, it was as though God whispered, "Now this, Krista, is what it is all about.  This is what makes a difference. This is just a glimpse of what I have in store for you". I know that some of you who read this might not believe in God or feel this is silly. And that is okay. My God is big, He can handle it. But I believe that there is no coincidence to the timing. All the feelings of inadequacy, being tired, wondering the what ifs in life, being upset, empty,w as all replaced in and by something I thought I was doing for someone else, but in reality I received a renewal, and with perfect timing on my 34th birthday!

Oh and then I even got to go home and celebrate with my sweet husband and three kiddos with my favorite pizza and yes, even a gift!

10K: No 911 Call Necessary

2011-03-07T13:45:00.001-07:00

Well, I can say I have completed my first 10K, and can say that I do not think it will be my last. (As I type that last sentence I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.) In my teens the furthest I would ever run is between the bases in softball and the running our coach made us do for conditioning. In college, I lived with a wonderful woman that ran miles upon miles each week and to be honest I thought she was crazy. After college, I might walk, but to really run I would have told you there must be someone chasing me with a gun.
Well, now I run. . . correction what I do is 'wog' (cross between jog and walk) but for me that is huge. I actually loved it and no one needed to call 911 for me and no ambulance was needed to haul me away.

I ran the Run for Ryan House in DC Ranch, which I discovered is North Scottsdale area. First, let me tell you that you should look into the Ryan House because it has an amazing story and is awesome. Then let me tell you a bit about the DC Ranch area. . .it has HILLS! :) Oh yes, compared to my flat run in Tucson, the hills were a challenge, but good for me.

Jeff was out of town for work so I was truly bummed that he and the kids were not there when I finished, but what I did have was an amazing friend there to give me a high five and be my champion. Terese and I have known each other for a long time. She volunteers at the Ryan house and did a little butt kicking of her own in the 5K race that day. We were able to meet before the races and then we had a great brunch afterwards. It was an amazing day and here are some pictures that she took, of which I am so thankful.

Taken before we started. Early in the morning.

As I crossed the finish line from 6.2 miles. And yes my face is as pink as my shirt, I can't control that. :)

The interesting part about this new hobby of mine is when I woke up on Sunday morning I thought I would like to run the course again because I knew I had more in me and could do it even faster. I guess I have plenty of time to work on that in the next 60 days until the 13.1.

Created By A Male

2011-02-22T09:49:00.000-07:00

Yes this post will probably be a dig at you men, but honestly LOOK AT THIS PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really?!?!? So, this is the picture in a pamphlet explaining vasectomies that came from a local urologists office.

I really have so many things I could say about this photo, but I will only ask this one question. If you have had a c-section or delivered children "naturally", do you ever remember getting a pamphlet that had you holding your new sweet baby in a lazy boy with your husband at your side bringing you snacks? HMMMMMM something to ponder.

88 days

2011-02-07T11:57:00.002-07:00

This gives me butterflies. Oh well I am committed. :)

"It is what it is"

2011-02-06T20:33:00.000-07:00

I love this quote. But I know people that loathe it. They think it means to settle, to give up, to not try and challenge myself or others, that it means failure and laziness. But I love this quote because I take it as dealing with things that are beyond our control.

I like this because sometimes I put a lot of pressure on myself. I expect perfection, I expect to say the "right" thing, do the "right" thing, have the "right" family, have the "right" attitude, have the "right" marriage, and I could go on and on. But I am not perfect, thank God for a Redeemer.
As I get older I have discovered there are definitely seasons in life. I wish someone would have explained this to me when I was 14 and maybe I would have handled my awkward teenage season better. Then again maybe my mom did tell me, but my I-know-better-than-you teenage brain was acting up. :)

In the past week we have had the dreaded flu/cold/stomach/eye bug attack our home. I have been tired and lazy. I have not done my floors, I have yelled at the kids, I have had to tell a very good friend that I could not help her in her time of need because of sick people at my house. And for a while I was feeling bad and guilty. But I remembered one of my sayings: It is what it is.

I believe this is true for me this week. I cannot control sickness, it comes (although I do wish I had a magic wand to control throw up. :)) I have had to just let go and decided that where I am right now is not permanent. My floors will get clean and I will at another time, be able to help out my friend. But right now it just is what it is.

Maybe you have felt the same way about your season. There are things you don't like that are happening beyond your control. To that I give you full permission to just let out a big sigh and say "It is what it is." And many blessings to you as you work through it and the season you are in!

Tattoos, Piercings, and Wild Hair, OH MY!!

2011-01-25T20:33:00.000-07:00

When you have kids you start to reflect on all the things you did as "kid" and then think about your own kids doing those things. It is weird. You evaluate things like curfews, driving, dating, etc.

I grew up in a conservative loving home. (Yes mom and dad you read this and it was wonderful!) My uncle would scare us with his smoking skeleton tattoo and tell us to never get one. He would say, if you see someone with a tattoo, you know they have been drunk at least once.   We were not able to get our ears pierced until we were twelve, however my sister did get hers at eleven, which I will always remember. But we were only allowed one piercing, it wasn't until later in high school I think that I actually got my ears double pierced which was pushing the envelope.  Growing up we had long hair and pig tails and barrettes and ribbons. It was girly and traditional and I loved it.

THEN . . this happened TATTOOS, PIERCINGS, AND WILD HAIR OH MY!!!

In college I got my first tattoo. I didn't tell my parents for a long time for they were sure to say it was not what nice girls did. I also got a belly button ring. Which I also did not show them for a loooong time. (Which was removed come pregnancy time). Then in graduate school came the kiss of death. The thing that would surely make my mother faint. The tongue ring. (Which I did finally remove, because we did need some money for our wedding. What can I say Mom played hard ball. HA!)   Then right before I was engaged I came home with some outrageous colored hair, which in the end was too much for me as well.

I look back on these things and laugh. I laugh because through all of those things I was the same person, the same girl, the same heart with love for God, my family and others. I had the same friends, I didn't do drugs. All those nasty stereotypes about all those "bad" things did not apply to me. They did not make me or change who I was created to be.

I wonder why I did some of them. Maybe why some people jump out of airplanes or jump off bridges on cords. The thrill. I don't regret any of them and I don't feel that any of them defined me or made me a "bad" or "evil" person.    Maybe I did it to see how far I could push the envelope. Maybe to see if I did what my parents didn't want me to, if they would still love me the same. I don't know.

What I do know is that they still love me. We now laugh about those things, and even talk of another tattoo does not freak them out. I have decided that the God I love is the same way. We do a lot of wacky stuff, but I believe God doesn't say "that is it, you are cut off". I think He knows us because he created us and loves us and knows who we truly are deep inside our hearts.

I am going to try and remember this when my sweet girl comes home with her own tattoo, piercings or wild hair, OH MY!!!!

Post Baby Crisis

2011-01-15T19:29:00.002-07:00

So I am sure you have heard of a mid-life crisis. I am older than I was, but not what I would consider to be mid life, yet I have been having a crisis.
Thanks to a wonderful friend and neighbor I think I have figured out the problem and better yet, feel that what I am thinking is totally typical.

I have said this before and I will say it again, being a stay at home mom is wonderful and very hard (not to take away from a working outside the home mom, because I actually think that might be harder). I pretty much talk to kids all day or yell at them or teach or discipline them. If I do get to talk to an adult it is to make a doctor appointment, schedule a play date, or something else kid related. I have given up calling other friends who stay at home because let's face it, picking up the phone is an immediate whining, fighting, mom-I-need food and a drink right this minute magnet. And no one on the other line likes to hear that. The upside. I check a lot of email. Email and texting is nice, no one can hear my kids or myself yelling. :) I have been told I text too often, to that my reply is my kids yell and wine a lot, get over it.

We have decided we are 3 and out for babies in this family. Three has been wonderful, and we are done. This body of mine is done being pregnant and now when I see babies I no longer have the "oh how cute, I want another" feeling. I actually have the "oh how cute, I am glad they are not coming home with me" feeling.

There is something that happens when a mom decides to shut down the baby factory. This I am calling the post baby crisis. During the years that I was having kids, I let things go, weight stayed on (lets face it I was just going to gain a ton more with the next baby), shopping for nice clothes took a back seat as I knew that once I was pregnant again let's forget it, I would never wear it. And lingerie, don't even get me started, why buy new things when soon enough it will just be the 24/7 nursing bras. However, when you are done with babies, you realize all the things you thought before are not the same. The post baby weight feels bad, the hair really needs some work and a more frequent mani and pedi is probably very necessary. I have moved from feeling like the sloppy mom, to wanting some youth back. I have tended to feel more selfish. As you might know from this blog I have been obsessed about my 1/2 marathon in May. I have actually been shopping with a good friend since running and things fit better. I want to feel a bit younger, I don't want to wear just sweats anymore, I would like to actually do my hair in the morning, I would like to have people say "oh she is attractive". I like to stay out a bit later knowing that I won't be up every two hours in the middle of the night. I even think about going back to work with "real" adults when Colin starts school.. I know, totally selfish. Yet, after talking to my friend I felt normal, typical, as if there was nothing wrong with wanting a little "pre-kid" me back.
Thus, I had to blog about it. I had to put it out there as I don't think I am the only one who has ever gone through this "post baby crisis". Don't get me wrong, I am thoroughly crazy. But today I just feel a little better about it.

Lap Dance

2011-01-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

I am sure this title got your attention, but it is very innocent trust me.
Sean has developed quite a great friendship with a girl in his preschool class. They "cook" together, play babies together, color together and he seems to like her company.

The other day his amazing teacher told me this story and I had to giggle and of course had to post.
I guess he was just sitting in the futon chair in the classroom. As an aside, Sean likes to sit,watch and contemplate. I say contemplate as it sounds much better to me as a parent then "stare off into space about nothing".

So this sweet little girl started to sing him a song. He very much liked this. Then apparently she kept singing and dancing around, but moving closer to my sweet little boy all the while singing and dancing around him. And he of course just sat there, stared and smiled as big as he could.
Yes, this is totally innocent play for preschool children, but we would not be silly, inappropriate adults if we did not take it a bit out of context and call it Sean's lap dance.

Happy New Year!

2010-12-28T14:39:00.001-07:00

The last time I wrote, I know I was a Grinch and did not have very nice things to say about the upcoming Christmas holiday. However since then I have been able to enjoy sweet coffee times with girlfriends, a great night out with people I went to HS with many years ago ;), a wonderful family Christmas with my parents, Jeff's parents, my sister and her family and my brother-in-law's family! We have played a little Wii, the kids have slept in, we had a sleepover with my niece, I have tried to not be so neurotic. I have gotten in some amazing runs and am actually enjoying the time I have running alone. We have had a great break from "life".

Here are some pictures from our adventures:

I pray that if you read this. . and even if you don't that you have an amazing 2011, with abundant blessings. I pray your burdens would be light and that there would be many hands in your life to help carry you. I pray you may live life with laughter and love.
Have an amazing 2011!!!

'Tis the Season to be. . .

2010-12-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

A BIG FAT GRINCH! And that has been me. I don't know why. I thought the season was suppose to bring out joy and love and peace. But I have been far from joyful and peaceful. I feel lethargic. I have to get some more gifts, but don't want to face the stores. I want to bake cookies, but honestly, don't want to clean up after it. I feel like I clean all day!

All these things are suppose to be fun, but I have been a Grinch about them. And I know that I am not the only one out there. My friend calls it the "Costco Effect". Tucson Costco's are one of the worst places to be anytime, as there are only 2 for over a million people. There is a line of at least 100 people when their doors open everyday! And the holidays are worse. She calls it that, because the nicest people you will ever meet will pull into Costco and become nasty. They don't like it, they don't even mean to do it, but it happens.

I think I have been hit with the "Costco effect". I am tired of crowds already. I just want to stay at home with my family and watch Christmas movies, but the facts are the facts. Jeff has to work, Lauren still has school and homework, and I still have the never ending pile of laundry. So I will do my best to fight this "Costco effect" and be joyous. If you have any suggestions on how. . .I would welcome them!

May you be blessed with joy and stay away from Costco!

2 Family Funnies

2010-12-08T20:13:00.000-07:00

Maybe these two stories will make you giggle:

*Jeff has introduced the kids to some questionable music, but this is funny.
There is a song I am sure you have heard, with lyrics that say "like a G6, like a G6", over and over.
Well, the other night we listened to Lauren singing it and she kept signing "like a cheese stick, like a cheese stick".

*I found out from one of Sean's preschool teachers today that during clean up time at school she turned around and he had his pants and underwear down around his ankles. When asked what he was doing, his matter of fact response was, "I had an itch!" Then she made him put his pants back on and wash his hands.

My kids are funny and crazy! Hope you are having a great week!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

You Can Have it All. . . but You Might Just Be Miserable With It

2010-11-30T10:28:00.000-07:00

I have heard over and over in my generation: "You can have it all!" You can be a successful business person, wife/husband, mother/father, social activist, God follower, philanthropist, sister/brother, best friend, cousin, etc. You name it. . you can do it! After all we have so much technology to keep us up to date. I can count a handful of times that I learned something about my sister right there on FB. But after living my own life and hearing from other friends, we just can't have it all. . or you might, but you just might be miserable along with it.

I was reminded of a quote by a good friend "If you can dream it, you can scheme it!" We used to love that quote and used it frequently. However that was before marriage, kids, bigger jobs, strains of "real" life, etc.

So this is what many of us in our generation dream for:

-big job, climbing the corporate ladder
-a church or great spiritual life

-a wonderful, loving marriage
-2, 3, 4,or even more kids
-pets
-a large house to house everyone
-nice cars to drive
-wonderful vacations
-authentic, nurturing friendships
-a social network
-relaxation time
-volunteering our time

This is the quick list I came up with, but I am sure I have missed some. LOOK AT THAT LIST! There are only 7 days a week and only 24 hours in them. We want everything on that list and we want to be able to do it all with excellence. I am here to tell you that I believe it is impossible!!!

We have to make hard decisions, we have to decide where to focus our time and talents. I do believe that God doesn't believe we need it all either. After all . . what would be the purpose of Jesus.
I pray this season for you and my own family that we would stop. That we would breathe. That we would realize that having it all, has not made us joyful, energetic people. It has only made us tired wanderers. Maybe the phrase needs to be re-written. Maybe we should say to our kids to find their "few" and do that well and with passion.

I am funny!!!

2010-11-23T21:36:00.000-07:00

We have been watching a show called Modern Family. It is very funny. I laugh aloud almost all the way through it. The last show really struck a chord with me. If you watch it, you will know. If not, here is the brief story.
The husband and wife have different opinions on which of their routes are faster to a restaurant. They agreed they would split up and take two cars to see who might win. (Jeff and I wold totally do this!) So she tells their youngest son, Luke to come with her, but he wanted to go with the dad. The girls went with dad. On the way, Luke asks why they are divorcing as he misunderstood "splitting up" that was discussed regarding the drive. His mom assures him that everything is fine, it was just the game they were playing. However, then she stops and rethinks how her son really wanted to go with his dad. She comes to her own conclusion that her son would have chosen his father because he is more fun. She then goes on a rant with my favorite line "I USED TO BE FUN YOU KNOW!" And explains to her son why there just can't be two fun parents in a family. Only the kid that comes to school in pjs and pays for lunch with hundred dollar bills has two fun parents. Someone must not be fun any longer. I laughed so hard at this that I almost cried. And then I realized I was laughing because I have often felt the same thing.
There are sometimes when all the kids and Jeff are messing around and they want me to join in, or times when they give me a hard time about not being fun. I never thought that would be me. So the past couple days I have vowed to be more fun like I was before I had kids! Let's face it, we all need to lighten up a bit and laugh a little more! Oh and you should definitely catch that episode. It also made me want to be part of a flash mob! HA!

Sneaky has a name. . .

2010-11-22T16:49:00.000-07:00

. . and the name is Sean. He is so sneaky that boy. He always has thing in his pockets and is trying to hide things. Once I found a bunch of AA batteries in his bed. Just because. He loves pants with pockets. As a matter of fact he doesn't like when he has shorts or pants on without pockets because it inhibits his ability to put things "away". At preschool last week he was given a gingerbread cookie. He secretly put it in his pocket for the whole morning and proudly presented it to me when he walked out the door, as if he had won the grand prize because he had kept it a secret from his teachers and unbroken the whole time. The other day I found him trying to fit a bar of soap in his pocket, he wanted to keep it as his "baby".

He is one funny kid. . but super sneaky. How can you not love this face!??!?!

Pregnant

2010-11-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

I knew you'd read this one by the title. And NO I am not pregnant.

Today I just started feeling a little better. As if maybe this running gig was paying off. Things maybe are firmer and getting smaller (although there is a long way to go). And then the following event occurred.

As we were sitting on the couch watching the end of a movie, Lauren puts her head gently on my stomach and says "Are you having another baby?" I tried just to laugh and not to cry and said no. She was very disappointed. Jeff tried to make me feel better to say that maybe she just wanted another family member. But good try. Hard to miss the fact she was pointing to my stomach when she asked. What I really wanted to say is that my large stomach just came from housing 3 wonderful babies who just so happened to make me crave carbs and chocolate. But she still wouldn't get it. Maybe one day she will, but let's hope by then I will have lost some of the rolly polly nature or lipo will be a lot cheaper!

Good V. Bad (or does it matter?)

2010-11-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

A friend recently posted on FB the question she was posed at a grocery store. Are we created good or are we created bad?
Well if you ask me this is a loaded question that really is only a divisive tool by the devil. I have thought a lot about this and what I believe. I know that scripture says that we are created in God's image and I know the scripture that says not one is righteous. But what if it was neither?
Judging from history, good, can come from people just as bad can. I think the bad is just sin. And no one is without sin. But sin doesn't mean that God created something bad, it just means he created something that needs a savior.
If we were all created bad, then why does good exist? If we were all created good then why is the bad? See why I think this question is a keenly devised one by Satan. It gets us to debate with believers and non believers a point that in the end doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter in the end how you were born. It is if werecognize Him. It is if we recognize that we were created for so much more. It is if we recognize the need for a savior and the gift to spend eternity with the one who created us.

It doesn't matter because in the end, He works ALL things together for good. I have done some good things and plenty of bad. But God has used each one. This is only one girl's opinion.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

God Breathed Funny

2010-11-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

This morning I was telling Lauren that all scripture is God breathed. When we opened up the bible to look for a verse she said pointing the the words, "Look God is breathing!" and started breathing heavily on the pages. :) Too funny!

Insert Foot

2010-11-15T20:21:00.000-07:00

So. . We had a great weekend. Could have done without the UA loss, but had a great time with Jeff's parents, at the kid's soccer games, at the UA game, and with great friends for dinner. It was a busy weekend, but nice.

I think that is all I will share for I seemed to have inserted both my feet into my mouth in the past 48 hrs. I am probably unknown to me working on my arms as we speak. So . . that is my Monday and I would hate to say anything else.

Update

2010-11-12T18:12:00.000-07:00

It is Friday and Jeff's parents are here so I will be brief. I did get to jog/walk.
Here are the results.
2.58 miles in 32:31 For some of you this is what we call "walking" for me it was a pretty good time.

Here I Go. . .

2010-11-11T19:48:00.000-07:00

So, I thought I would tell you in this blog how I woke up to a bed full of urine and diarrhea and no it wasn't mine. :) But really?!?! No one wants to read about diarrhea and urine soaked kids' sheets. Out of the three readers I have, half of you probably already have these type of things at your own home, so I will spare you the details of my day. Instead I will talk about a new book and all my fears. Much better, right?

So this book is the funniest book I have read in a long time. I laugh aloud when I read it. I love it!

If you read my blog you will know that I posted a short blip about how I was going to run a half marathon May 7, 2011. It was short for several reasons. First, I have made such remarks before that I was going to do something big and let's face it. . .didn't. Second, I think I didn't want to draw too much attention as I wouldn't want people to ask me about it. Even Jeff looked at me like I was crazy when I told him. Let's face it, I am a slightly overweight mother of 3, that barely has time to do any exercise let along hours of jogging/walking. And yes I use jogging as what I do is not really running at all.

However, after reading part of this book, I am writing a new post about my intentions. The fact that I am already registered for this race is some more motivation as well. I will be running the Indiana Mini. Why they call it a mini I do not know. 13.1 miles is NO mini to me. But I will be joined by two other crazy people, Katy, my sister and my father, who happens to be turning 60 on the day of the race itself.

I have discovered there a a few things that keep me from just doing it, as Nike would say. Well one big thing. FEAR. Here are my fears put out there for you all to see. First, I am slow, and when I mean slow, I mean the turtle from the turtle and the hare could probably lap me twice. Second, I am overweight and as we know, running involves carrying your own body weight, which really sucks. Sometimes I feel like I am carrying an extra toddler with me. I am afraid of failure, I am afraid of blisters on my feet, I am afraid that people driving down Houghton will mock at me from their cars as I am desperately panting away. I am afraid that people will want to run with me (more on this later), I will run with them, and then they will internally think, "Poor girl, I hope she makes it" or "Poor girl doesn't stand a chance." I am sure there are others but that is what comes to mind right now.

The book, along with others tell you when you are going to do this to tell EVERYONE! That is one way you can't get out of it. Motivation by guilt that if you have told everyone you know that then you would feel like a complete idiot backing out.

So this past week I have had two wonderful women say they'd run with me. And I have a fear of them both (no offense to you lovely ladies if you read this). I am new at this. One even asked me to run the short leg of the P.F. Changs relay. My fear is that I will slow her down. That she is going to do the 8.4 miles faster than I can run the 4.7. The other wonderful lady just finished a triathlon. So. . . now you see what my life is like. But like I read in a another blog this week, I just have to put my big girl panties on and do it. And maybe, just maybe, my fear will get smaller and so will the size of my panties.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-10T19:09:00.001-07:00

I am tired today, and a friend said she loves when I post pictures. . so here you go! Today is picture Wednesday!

Story Time with Curious George at UA
Sweet kiddos

First Haircut: he was the only one out of the 3 to not scream as though his head was also being cut off with his hair.

Sean took this picture. . . He loves these crocs. And thus he should as there is a huge purchase/return/purchase/return story with them.

Ahhh, my sweet girl.
(For the record, the boys are sweet too, but in a boy way!)

They are here. . .

2010-11-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

YES!!! You probably will think this is a silly blog, but I do not care. THEY ARE HERE!!! Not babies, not puppies, not family, but our new Maytag Bravos washer and dryer. I could not be more excited.

The previous ones have left our home. They had a 10 year run, but we had fixed the washer about 4 times, the front was held on by zip ties and I had to use the spin cycle twice to actually drain water from the tub. The dryer was doing better, but still needed to be turned on via a wrench. Needless to say we finally decided to put them out to pasture.

So, we have these amazing friends that moved to MI and I am not saying amazing just because they hooked us up, but because they are an amazing family. Well, we were blessed with a favorable price due to his generous work discount. (As I type this I hope I am not getting him in trouble.) But it was AWESOME!!

So here they are. . .our new babies. Well, my new babies.

Jeff said to me after they arrived. "So, are you going to always be doing laundry?" (That was his secret hope.) And I replied with the honest truth that I might do well for the first week, maybe even two, but who are we kidding, laundry is not my strong point, along with many other domestic chores. And let's face it, until the machines actually fold and put the laundry away themselves, it will probably be the same old, same old around here very soon.

Sean's Funny comment

2010-11-08T14:21:00.000-07:00

As we are walking through Walmart we pass the lingerie section & these are the precious boys' words.
"MOM, Look BLUE BOOBS!!!"
And yes he is our little one with no volume control. I think I heard some chuckles a few aisles away.
:) Have a wonderful day!

Funny Comment

2010-11-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

So as I was making dinner tonight this was the "funny".

L: Mommy how come daddy never cooks dinner?

Therein is the funny comment for the night. I am too exhausted for more.

Can you please pass the Shame?

2010-11-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

This is what dictionary.com has to say about shame:
n.
1. a painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc. done by oneself or another
2. a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute
3. something that brings censure or reproach

Here is shame in its verb form:
1. to cause to feel shame, make ashamed
2. to drive force, etc. through shame
3. to cover with ignominy or reproach

I have titled this the way I do because there is no shortage of shame going around. In fact we don't even have to look past ourselves to find it. However, even if you don't heap it upon yourself, chances are there is someone or more than one readily available to heap it on for you.

For years, I feel that the christian community (& I know I am generalizing) has readily put shame and guilt in our back pockets to motivate people to or back to God. Funny thing. . .GOD DOESN'T NEED OUR HELP! Yes, I used caps because that is how strongly I believe this. Shame is straight from the pits of hell. Now don't get me wrong, there is a thing called conviction. To quote dictionary.com again, conviction is a fixed or firm belief. So, how often do we as a society convict someone for just being a rotten individual. We don't. They are convicted for a specific thing. From a Beth Moore study, I learned this very truth. The over all crummy feeling we get is not from God, God is very specific about something. And His goal is not for us to crawl into the shadows and feel horrible, it is to come into the light to be renewed.

For years I have struggled with shame, from my bad choices, from things I have said, from doing the "wrong" things as a parent. I also wonder how many times I have knowingly or unknowingly shamed another in my ungraceful words or actions.

I have been convicted about one thing over the past several years and that is about how to truly live a grace filled life. In this I have been set free from the ugly shame and guilt and have learned that I am being refined day after day. I don't subscribe to the philosophy that God won't use me until he is done working on me. That is preposterous to me! If so, I would not be used until I was dead, right?!?! So I hope that in this post you will find some freedom. Some relief, knowing that freedom is much better than shame. "For there is NO condemnation in Christ" Romans 8:1

So now when someone asks you for a big helping of shame you can kindly say, no thank you!

Oh and I accepted a challenge to blog everyday in Nov. As you can see I have already failed. . I have chosen no shame or guilt with the fact I have already failed at day three. HA! :)

2010-11-03T16:55:00.000-07:00

A glimpse at what was our Halloween fun. . . .

Election Day

2010-11-02T19:56:00.000-07:00

Happy Election Day!

I am sure you are as happy as I am to soon be done with phone calls, mailings, etc.
During elections I always think of 2 teachers I had in HS. One thought all Americans should practice their right to vote no matter what, the other thought that you should only vote if you had educated yourself on the candidates and issues on the ballot. I have to say I tend to agree with the latter. If we are not educated about what is on the ballot in my opinion we should not vote.

I tend to get anxious about elections. All the news media and people seem to proclaim the end of the world if so and so is not elected or if one house or the other holds the power, and on and on. There is so much fear in elections I have decided this year not to be anxious. I could. I could be scared about a large tax increase, I could be scared about my health care, I could be scared that someone will tell me what to believe. Yet, these things do not change one fact I am certain of, and that is God is still on his throne. He has never, not for minute left it, and nor does He intend to. No matter what happens in an elections this I know to be true, and that gives me peace.

Funny thing in explaining the voting process to Lauren and that it was a secret ballot she said, "Well, Mommy, I bet they vote for you." She is too sweet to me.

Another Challenge

2010-11-01T19:18:00.001-07:00

So. . tonight I received a message from my good friend and neighbor Charlotte. She told me about a blogging challenge out there to write something each day in November and not miss a day. If you follow my posts at all. . this is a challenge seeing as how I have not shared with you all since August! UGH!!

So. . I am taking the challenge. This is my first post to tell you about the challenge. But I also wanted to take a moment to share some fun news that just happened tonight.

My daughter can now officially ride a 2 wheel bicycle. YAY!!! The video we have is really dark so I will try to get another one and post it on one of the days this month!! It is so cool to see.

Wish me luck. . .I am going to need it!

Sean's First Day of Preschool

2010-08-17T18:47:00.000-07:00

Here he is!! Our sweet, loving middle one! :) He is off to preschool again this year 3 days a week. I actually cried quite a bit over these pictures. Primarily because he is getting older and I can't control it, and then because I always seem to worry about him the most right now. I get anxious about his heart of all things. I am so worried about it being hurt. Sean has this amazing personality. I call him our "Norm" from Cheers. Most everywhere we go we always hear "HI Sean!" and "SEAN!" It is odd, but seems to always happen. But to me Sean has this soft side. He cares a lot, sometimes probably too much, but he gives off the appearance as though things don't bother him. He is the boy who says no to holding my hand into preschool (already). But at home in the quiet time before bed, cannot seem to snuggle close enough. I am excited for this year, but always so anxious, which I am taking to the Lord everyday. :)

Oh and even though he doesn't need a backpack, he had to have one, just like his big sister!

Challenge

2010-08-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

Okay. . so I am posting this for my own motivation and accountability. In my quest to lose 3 babies worth of excess weight my sister proposed this challenge. I have agreed, but am nervous. So . . here I post the link to the challenge. . .maybe this will be motivation and some of my fear of inadequacy will disappear.

www.500festival.com/marathon

I must be crazy. . .

Brave Face

2010-07-23T14:12:00.000-07:00

So I wonder when we develop our "brave face". You know, the face that says we are going to grit our teeth and do our best to not cry or be upset. The face that says I am not happy, but I am going to try and make it look like I am totally fine, that I am cool as a cucumber, that "I can do this!"
For Lauren, I think her brave face was this week. And today it was VERY clear. She wants so much to be big. She wants Jeff and I to always know that she can do it all, from feeding her brother, to combing her hair, to picking out her clothes.

So, today was the last day I was going to take her to school before the big riding-of-the-bus day on Monday. I walked her in and encouraged her to play with the other kids on the playground. She said no and then asked when they were going to blow the whistle. That all so familiar sound that we all know means LINE UP!! And then I looked at her face when she spoke, it was her brave face. But I knew that I had to leave. I had to let her have the time to be okay with me not there, so I kissed her goodbye. I walked around the corner and she continued to hover around the wall waiting for that familiar sound that would let her know it was time to go in. I watched her for the longest 4 minutes EVER!!! I got teary as I looked at her. She continued to hold onto her "brave face". Then finally the whistle blew and she bounced into line, with a look of relief.

She did it. . . I am so very proud of her this week. Even though I tell her, I am not sure she will ever understand how proud I am. Maybe that will come when she has her own kids that put on their "brave faces".

First Day of Kinder from the Mommy's Perspective

2010-07-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

So. . .today was the day. It was a day that over five years ago seemed light years away. But today was the day. Lauren went to afternoon Kindergarten with Mrs. Jones.

She begged me all morning to leave. And before I knew it, we were hurrying out the door with the boys in tow.

We got to school and it was fine. Super hot and humid, but she played on the playground until the whistle blew. And it was time to line up. It was a bit chaotic with all the parents hovering, waiting for their new adventure as well. But I quickly shuffled her to her line and daddy was taking pictures. When I turned around to get Sean and Colin who was stroller bound, her class was marching in and promptly listened to their new teacher asking them to take a seat on the carpet Then the door closed. All the parents looked at each other. No one was crying, it was more like shock. Was this all? Were they done? Five years of preparing for this moment and it was done. She was in, sitting and the instruction had already begun. Some parents, Jeff included were allowed in to take a quick snapshot of the first moments and drop off supplies, but that was it.

I walked away feeling like it was a bit anti climactic. It wasn't until I buckled both boys in and drove away that the sobbing began. And it was ruthless. I am still choking back tears as I write this post. Although she went to preschool for 3 years this experience is so very different. For preschool I signed her in and out. If she was crabby or we wanted to see grandparents in Phx for the day we didn't go to school. I knew a lot of the preschool teachers well and even a best friend of mine works there. I knew she was always looking out for Lauren.

Kinder is not like that. I feel as if I went to Target, looked around for a nice person and asked them to come home and take care of my child. A person off the street. Having worked at a school I never appreciated the gravity of the trust placed in me by parents. It is a big deal that parents entrust their children to teachers/staff/schools for hours at a time. Lauren is my heart, she is part of me and one of my greatest treasures. I wish I understood this better for all the years I was in the school system. I don't know her teacher, I don't know that someone is looking out for just her. There is a quote that having a child is allowing your heart to live outside your body. There has never been a quote so true to my heart than this one right now.

Once Lauren made it in the door at home she said that kindergarten was "SUPER FUN!" and as she closed her eyes to fall asleep she asked why she couldn't go to school right now. We are looking forward to a great year!

I am so excited for her adventures in school. I know that this journey will involve laughter, tears, frustration, and amazing growth. I know that God has phenomenal plans for her. Being the mommy is just hard. I want her to experience life, but I struggle with wanting to control it, I want to put her in a bubble to avoid the inevitable hurts that she will sustain. But in the long run I know this doesn't help her. I just need to be there, to love her, and to walk along side of her. The rest is up to her.

Colin's 1st Birthday!

2010-07-18T22:37:00.000-07:00

Well this has been the fastest first year ever! :) Colin turned one on the 4th of July. We went to Nana and Papa's in Phx for swimming and fun and dinner with Grandma and Grandpa. We then had a little party for him at our home the next weekend. He has such a sweet spirit and is so good. We are blessed by him and it feels like yesterday he was born. Now he is standing up and trying to walk.

His big brother liked to help him open gifts.
We were actually able to take a family picture!!

He was out after his party.

Summer 2010

2010-07-13T20:18:00.001-07:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

We have had a great summer so far. Next week my big girl starts Kinder.. . .I am trying not to think about it, so I have posted some of our summer fun which includes a trip to Indy, before/after pictures of our floor remodel (but the after pics don't do the floor justice), the trip to Phx while the floors were being put in and tons of silliness. Hope this finds you well! Oh & for some reason these pics are not "initializing" so if you want to see them all just click where it says "click here to view these pictures larger".

One of My Great Moments

2010-05-26T21:53:00.001-07:00

There are a handful of truly memorable moments I have in my life and one was made today.

Today we had a preschool promotion for our little girl who will begin kindergarten in 6 short weeks. I really went into the whole thing thinking it would be cute, but not giving much thought to the fact that I would SOB like a baby at one point in the presentation. After all, I had been hearing the songs they were singing for over a month and I had seen her class perform songs at Christmas. This was a fun event. But what I heard and saw from my sweet and precious girl will be forever burned in my mind, heart, & soul. (And my amazing husband managed to capture it on video.)

Before I show it to you let me explain some insecurities. For the longest time I truly believed that my "value" was on how I performed in school, the degrees I held, how many people I could help in my social work positions, how I moved up in my employment, etc. Then I became a mom and knew that I wanted to stay home, but the switch was tricky. I realize how important my mom job is, but sometimes I fall back into the old definition of value and feel that I have less value because I am "just" a stay at home mom. After all no one is proclaiming my deeds of cleaning up meal after meal, completing load after load of laundry, reading "Owl Babies" for the millionth time, reminding little people to eat with their fork, use the potty, and clean the potty, before other co-workers where I get a little certificate. :) But this video and the sound of my beautiful girl's voice is more than I could ever ask for. I will let you see the video because yes, I am just that proud.

10 Months Happened So Fast

2010-05-25T16:21:00.000-07:00

In the Blink of an Eye

2010-04-21T09:57:00.000-07:00

I have shed several tears over the past 24 hours and most of them for people I do not even personally know.

I have cried out to God about amount of pain that others are going through. A tragic car accident took a young grandmother, her granddaughter and left the mommy to be and unborn baby in serious condition. I know members of this family and am truly heartbroken for them and cry out to God on their behalf. At the same time I received a phone call about this, I was reading a journal about a young boy and his regimen of radiation and chemo at such a young age and I cried as I read his mother's words and again my heart went out. And then there is a wonderful father with kids and a beautiful wife, again, fighting with cancer. There are several more stories like these everyday.

I cry out to the Lord and ask why these people have so much suffering and I am left with no answer other than "I am not done yet". I believe and know that the Lord can bring beauty from pain. I was talking to my mom about the tragic event and she told me two stories from her Beth Moore study. The first involves 4 missionary woman that were serving in Iraq. Three of them died and when the fourth came to, she asked "Did they make it?" And the answer was no, they died. The pastor at the memorial service turned this around and said that the three woman were now in all His glory in heaven asked "Did she make it?" And the answer was no. . she is not here yet.

The second story is about Beth Moore stating that she likes everything wrapped up in a nice bow. And let's face it, who doesn't want things all tied up, no loose ends, something that is beautifully packaged, clean, neat. But that is not how God works. If you look through the bible and the stories of the patriarchs and the Israelites, the promise land was not all packaged in a nice bow. Jesus' death was not all packaged in a nice bow. It was painful there was the unknown, questioning, grumbling, weeping, utter fear. But God still had His hand there. Beth Moore is right. . .God doesn't tie it up for us and give it to us neat, He ties it all together.

In a blink of eye things change, diagnoses are given, people die, pain occurs. I am choosing to believe that God is there putting it all together in his Sovereign ways.

Date Night

2010-04-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

I will only say a few words and let the pictures explain the rest, but Jeff took his little girl on their first formal date tonight. Our church does a father/daughter dinner and dance. This year's theme was "I Bear His Name". I got to go dress shopping with her last week and tonight was the night she has been looking forward to all week. Daddy came to the door, rang the door bell, gave her a beautiful single red rose, and off they went in his car. Oh and it is meaningful that they went in his car, because currently not all 5 of us can fit in Daddy's car because of car seats. So here you go. . . these make my heart melt!

Be a friend to get one?!?

2010-03-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

So as you might have read in earlier posts, I have been reading a book called Bo's Cafe. It is a great book, I just seem to never have time to read. Shocking, I know.

I think that maybe reading it slow has been a blessing to me as I tend to look at my life as the characters look at their lives.

Basically I have been pondering authentic living. At first glance I would say. . of course I am authentic. I have always said "what you see is what you get". But as I look closer and have some conversations I can see that I am not all that authentic.

My sister and I were talking the other day. She has been blessed by several friends with offers lending meals and helping hands towards the end of her pregnancy and now that she now has a newborn and a very active preschooler. She was saying she just hates to "bother" others. She knows they offer, but doesn't want to take advantage of them. In turn I told her what my mother tells me and I know, but don't always do "Take them up on it. If they didn't want to help, they wouldn't offer!" I know that when I offer I want people to take me up on it! As the words came out of my mouth I began to think about my offers and authentic living. I will try to make the connection for you.

I am sure you have heard you need to be the friend you want to get. Really!?!?! So if I look at myself, do I really want a imperfect, slightly overweight, hugging my kids only to yell at them the next hour, messing housewife, totally crazy, somewhat inconsistent, kind hearted, God fearing, thankful I get to try it again tomorrow woman? And my answer these days YES I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want a friend like that. If I attract friends the way I "fake" life, that means I would get a distant, not going to let you in, pretend my marriage, kids, life are doing just find. And I don't want to "do life" with someone like I am acting.

I want to know a person's struggles, I want to pray for them, love on them, love on their family. I want to be able to cry with them and have them cry with me. I want them to help me but know I will make horrible blunders and love me anyway. I want them to know my kids fight, that I don't always talk nicely to them, that I lose my patience. I want someone to know those things, and I want to know their "things". And do life with GRACE.

So maybe the phrase should be if you want a authentic friend, be an authentic person.

Pictures from Krista

2010-03-01T22:49:00.001-07:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

Disneyland Vacation and Lauren's 5th Birthday

2010-03-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

We just got back from Disneyland to celebrate Lauren's upcoming 5th birthday.
Jeff and I decided a while back that we would go to Disneyland for each child's 5th birthday and since Lauren will be 5 very soon. . it was time!

We had a wonderful time full of fun, family, extended family and laughter!

Above this post are many, many pictures to prove it!!! :)

Where I Am

2010-02-08T10:23:00.001-07:00

I have to say I love my kids. There are definitely times I yell, want to rip my hair out, send them to their rooms because we ALL need a time out. But in the end. . . when I am away from them I miss them terribly, when we are all playing, I want to bathe in those moments. I am slowly but surely preparing myself for Lauren to turn 5!!! I cannot believe she will be five, and begin kinder come July. Yes school starts for us in mid July because we are on a year round modified calendar. And YES, it is going to take me 5 months to prepare myself.
I asked her the other day if she wanted me to teach her from home and then she could stay with me all day. And she emphatically replied "NO! I have to go to kindergarten!" Upon asking her why, she replied "Because they read books there, mom!" I said we could read books here and she did not go for that either. She thinks she is ready, but we will see when the first day of school comes along. . . I think she is more talk right now, but she might surprise me.
Sean is either making me fall on the floor in laughter or in pain depending on his listening skills that day. He is definitely the boy who will carve his own path and will not just follow the rules because someone said that is what he will do. He likes to ask "WHY?" often and recently my favorite things to hear him say are "Mom, I was thinking. . . " and "Mom, we need to talk." Both are said often when he wants to show me something or when he is done with a time out. He keeps me on my toes and is the greatest snuggler in the world. My favorite moments are those we just talk and I rub his forehead right before he falls asleep.
Colin, my baby, he is already 7 months old and I am wanting to slow his growth down, because I find myself wanting him to stay a baby. It is amazing that God has given me the capability to be up all night, spit on, drooled on, pooped on, etc. and I still want to keep him little. In the moments of frustration I want to get over the baby stage, but when I really step back I want to hold on to each moment, because I can never get it back. In fact last night we were up at about 130 a.m. and he fell back asleep on my shoulder. Normally I would lay him back down in a daze and shuffle back to bed to try and sleep more until another cry would awake me. But this time was different I felt compelled to continue to rock and hum and love on him for a bit longer. I felt I had to freeze that moment together.
This is a snapshot of where I am. There are moments I would give anything for Calgon to truly take me away or a nurse with a van and a straight jacket for that matter. But then there are the moments when I sit back, in somewhat quiet and thank God for the 3 little blessings I have and where I am right at this moment.

Things that Melt My Heart

2010-02-06T07:20:00.001-07:00

Where is the Pause Button?

2010-01-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

Today I am needing a pause. You may know what I am talking about. My house is a mess, I have laundry, dishes, sick kids, crying kids, meals to do, sleep needed, and a to do list a mile long. And yet I need a pause button on everything. I want to be able to have a longer time to just be, breathe and relax.
I am reminded of my labor with Colin during this time. I had the opportunity to have a natural childbirth with Colin. And I don' really remember the pain as much I remember the hour before he was born. The very hardest part of the labor was just wanting a longer pause between the pain. I recall thinking that I would never make it out of the pain. I wanted to be able to breath for longer in between the contractions. Between contractions I yearned to sleep for hours, to rest. I didn't' even want to shift positions at all only because it took too much energy away and I needed it for the next contraction. I felt like that time lasted much longer than it did. But what happened after all that was over was a miracle. A blessing. A new baby. And some time to breath, to pause and reflect.
I am reminded that right now I might feel like I need a pause. But it is only a short time. I am still breathing, I just feel like it's not enough air. But it is, God has given me the air I need. I am making progress even though I might not see or feel it. Things are happening and soon I will have my time to breathe, reflect and I am sure blessings abundant.

Heart Break

2010-01-22T19:33:00.000-07:00

So I just finished putting my kiddos to bed. Today I was frustrated, angry, sad, and having my own pity party.
I have just turned on the TV to unwind and am now crying and needed some outlet to give words to my heart.
I of course could not escape the Hope For Haiti Now programming. (Which as a side note I am always amazed that people do rise to an occasion to help others.) I have mentioned to Jeff this week the ache of my heart and that we should think about adopting a precious baby to love from Haiti, and of course I would turn it on when they are talking about all of the orphans. Embarrassing as it may be I have tried to limit my Haiti watching on TV for it just brings tears in my eyes every time. But through all this I have been given some clear messages. That I hope to articulate.
This life is full of suffering. There are babies all over suffering, there are adults suffering. In Haiti, in Africa and right here in the good 'ol USA. In fact we could also adopt from a child in pain here as well. It is painful. My heart not only breaks for this, but I am humbled.
I am humbled because I complained to the Lord all day about my kids. They didn't listen, they didn't rest so I could rest, that I have been up since the wee hours of the morning. You name it, I probably grumbled about it. And how foolish of me. At least I have my kids. At least they know where their mom is and that she adores them. At least they can hear me, even if they don't do what I said. At least we have beds to rest in. I have lost sight of it all.
I have heart break. For those that suffer, those that are lost. Sometimes I feel I can lose sight in that fear and heart break. But I must I have to cling to my HOPE. My hope is in the Lord. There is suffering, but there is Hope in Him. He WILL NOT leave me nor forsake me. He will give rest. There is so much more to come, He has promised this.

New On My Must Read List

2010-01-19T14:17:00.000-07:00

So. . I started a new book, that I am loving. I just wish all three kiddos would nap for 2 hours straight so I can happily neglect dishes and laundry to read it! I have decided to blog about it, because I like it and think you might too. Here it is:

I have only just begun to dive in, but enjoy it so far. I think we all are haunted by that "something" that keeps us from freedom and authentic living. . . .I will probably be blogging more about my "somethings" so be prepared. . . .

If you pick it up or have read it I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

From one crazy mama, to all of you. . . Merry Christmas. I pray that you have a wonderful holiday filled with the joy and peace that Jesus can give. May you have a wonderful 2010, with bountiful blessings and amazing memories.

Much love,

Jeff, Krista, Lauren, Sean, & Colin

Out of Order

2009-12-01T14:52:00.000-07:00

So. . I know I posted Thanksgiving, but I realized I posted nothing for Halloween. We had Tinker Bell, Peter Pan, and a cute penguin (thanks Owen!) at our house for Halloween (and Nana & Papa). :) Better late than never!

Thanksgiving Festivities

2009-12-01T01:06:00.001-07:00

We went to Phoenix to visit and spend Thanksgiving with Jeff's family. Here are some of the pictures of that adventure. We also were able to go to the train park as well while we were there. :) A good time had by all!

Song of the Week

2009-11-30T16:18:00.000-07:00

Here is my current favorite song. :)

Be Whatever You Want To Be

2009-10-21T13:58:00.000-07:00

This was the mornings conversation with L as we were talking about growing up and jobs.
First she said she wanted to be a mommy which almost brought tears to my eyes (of joy that is). Then she changed her mind. Oh, by the way, she has been saying she wants to be the following profession since she could talk. :)

Me: Lo, you can be anything you want to be when you grow up, astronaut, doctor, teacher, anything.
L: Hmmm I KNOW!!!!!!! I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE! !!
Me: What do you want to be?
L: I want to be the garbage man so that I can go to visit the dump EVERYDAY!!
Me: Well, as long as you do it for Jesus!

The kids have recently paid a visit to the dump along with daddy and papa and they LOVED it. :) As you can tell by her reaction. Most people give questioning looks when she says she'd like to be a "garbageman" but in our house, as long as you do it for the Lord, it doesn't matter the profession. Hope you're having a great day!!

Soaking it all in

2009-10-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

I don't listen to country music much, but I love the song by Trace Adkins call "You're Gonna Miss This". For those of you who don't know the song here is a link. You can listen and see the words.

I like this song because it is true. I am trying each day to appreciate where I am at in that moment as time goes by so fast. Today Jeff was golfing all morning and I was at home-still in my pjs and crazy hair at 10 am listening to two preschoolers fight with each other while trying to calm my super fussy 3 month old and I remembered this song. One day I will miss that my kids are home, even on days when it is 10 am and I have not been able to brush my teeth. I will probably even miss those teachable moments when playing referee and I know I will miss those times when my baby just wants to be held.

I hope you like the song. My mom reminds me often, especially on the hard days "Krista, you're going to miss this". And as always. . . she is right. :)

A Night Away

2009-10-09T13:36:00.000-07:00

I am very excited, but nervous at the same time. Tonight Jeff and I get to go out on our first date since Colin was born (almost 3 months ago). If you are reading this please pray that my little one does well taking the bottle. He is not a fan and I am excited to go but anxious about being away and the crying that might come with feeding time. I am just praying the Lord intervenes and it is not a problem at all. He is with a good friend who is an awesome mommy so I am sure it will be okay.

But I digress. I have come to realize that date nights are SUPER important. My internal dialogue when people said this was always- Do you know how much $ that costs or we are doing fine, or better yet, we have date night every night when we watch our favorite shows together on TV. But I have also discovered that my husbands primary love language is quality time. So spending time together doing activities that we enjoy is very important to him, and I have to admit I do like it even though I get anxious about leaving the baby. Also there is something to be said about getting away from the everyday environment and going out together.

So. . I have a question for you. It was a question I had hear posed on talk radio. The 2 questions were: How long have you been married? And what was the most difficult year or years in your marriage. The host has been married for over 25 years and stated the 7th and a tad bit of the 8th were the most difficult for him. He believes that if you can make it past that point the rest is no picnic, but downhill compared to those years.

Jeff and I will celbrate our 8 year anniversary on the 20th of this month and I have to say that year 6 was a doosey. That was by far the most difficult for me. Now that we are headed into our 8th, the 7th was much more manageable even with adding another child to the mix. so. . .I pose these to questions to my readers: How long have you been married and what were your most difficult years? If you are in your hard years I pray the Lord will bless your time and that you will come out an even more amazing couple on the other side of things.
Oh and I am SOOOOO looking forward to my date with my wonderful hubby tonight! :)

Fog Be Gone

2009-10-01T15:31:00.000-07:00

Okay. . so I have a million ideas for posting to my blog, but it never gets translated from my mind to the blog. I blame it on the fog.
I wish I had some sort of spray or vacuum or homemade remedy that would lift this fog from me. It is the post baby fog. I am sure there are other types of fogs that people are in, but this is mine for now. I tried for the past three months to deny it saying "no I don't have it this time" and feeling bad for other moms in their fog.
But I got it. It follows me around day and night. And I am sure completely visible to all. Others would call it flaky, forgetful, ignoring, etc. It also probably contains the smell of baby spit up or that I really need to change a nursing pad or even a diaper or two. I know. . gross.
I am not even sure how to explain the fog, but I am sure it is here to stay for a while. I might as well embrace it as it is my last one. However I do get frustrated when I feel that others have felt ignored, that I missed a special occasion, that I completely forgot to send that note, reminder, etc.
So. . to all my wonderful friends and family. I am trying to keep it together, but I am in my fog. (Of which I am trying to escape.) Please just don't take it personally. Maybe I can invent something and sell if for millions because I know I am not the only one that has been in a fog.

Identity Theft

2009-08-09T17:25:00.000-07:00

My heart has been heavy the past couple days.

I have come to find that my identity has been stolen! What!?!? Yes it has, but it not my identity involving my credit cards and SS number. It is who I am in Jesus. How the Lord sees me. Having decided to live a life for God there comes a wonderful identity in that. One that is guilt-free, shame-free, full of love, grace and compassion. One that is full of blessing and abundance. One in which God sees me as the greatest thing ever.

Yet so many times I have lost sight of this. So many times I let the past and other things (even great blessings) control what I think of myself and how I feel about myself. And this then comes out in my everyday living.

What a shame that we allow things to steal our identity. I have also talked with others that have described a lost self. I would say that their identities have been robbed. Oh how I am convicted that if we believe that God loves us and we have fully accepted Jesus as the only way to heaven (and frankly through this life) that God has provided us this new identity in Him, one that is awesome, but one that I have to look in the mirror and embrace everyday.

The equally wonderful part is that He longs to give those who don't know Him the same identity He created them to have. Even amidst unbelieving He believes that we are amazing. He longs to be close to us and love on us. It is like taking someone who we don't know at all, knowing their past and present is something we can't stand, and wanting to share family dinners with them every night and dying to adopt them into our family despite the areas we don't agree. Simply AMAZING!

This has just been where my heart is for days. For the small number of people who read this blog, may you be blessed and revel in your true identity.

A 4th To Never Forget

2009-07-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

So this July 4th, 2009 was the best 4th ever!!! We welcomed Colin Jeffrey Fields into our family at 9:16 am. He was 8 lbs 2 oz (yes big), 19.25 inches long, and PERFECT!!

Below are some pictures of him and the kids and our time together, but first I will give you some (not the details of course) info from our labor, as I love labor stories.

I went into labor at about 145 am on the 4th. A while after that we called our good friends Scott and Janelle and Janelle came over to be with the kids and we called the parents to come from Phoenix. We ended up at the hospital around 330-345 and walked around for a long time. Then the labor progressed fast and with the help of the most AWESOME husband and labor coach Colin was born without complication. And like I said PERFECT. It is always hard to believe that there is that much room in our hearts for that much love, but it is all there. The flood of emotions and love for this baby are as incredible as ever.

Both the kids love Colin and call him "sweetie" and like to hold his hand and kiss his head. Although they do sometimes put their hands over their ears when he cries, they really do not like to see him unhappy. And despite a few tantrums, pushing some limits and outbursts, they are adjusting well too.

I will try to keep you updated when I have a free minute. :) HA!

How you know you are 9 Months pregnant

2009-06-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

This is a quick list of 5 reasons you know your are 9 months pregnant and your other kids know it as well. Sad. . . but true. Almost embarrassing to admit, but I am sure there are more, these are just the ones I could come up with this morning. Enjoy and feel free to add others if you have any! :)

1. Your kids play "drive thru" and one ask the other for "chicken and fries". Nice.
2. Your 4 year old is negotiating no nap and says "but I will play quietly in the play room so you can sleep on the couch".
3. Your kids ask if daddy is doing bath time because it is too hard for you to bend over the tub anymore.
4. Your daughter asks when the baby is coming out because your belly is getting too big.
5. Your kids ask what shows or movies they get to watch today.

Why Not to Buy Toys

2009-06-23T16:55:00.000-07:00

Who needs toys when mom brought home a box from Costco?

Good Friends, Good Times

2009-06-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

You know there are several times I envy some of you out there. You are a grown adult woman and have this one good friend with kids the exact same age as yours that you do everything with. You keep the same schedules so getting together is easy and the kids get along, you live in the same area, and you could spend almost everyday together and are just THAT close. Similar to a HS best friend.
Recently I have been having my own pity party that I don't have ONE friend like that in Tucson. I have been upset with the Lord that he has not "blessed" me like that.
But boy oh boy did Heshow me what I do have this past weekend. :) Let me share. I have a friend who organized a "pre-baby pedicure party" for me at a local nail place on Saturday. There were 4 loving, giving, amazing, friends that were able to make it and the Lord showed me how truly blessed I am in the the friend area. All of these friends have given gifts for this new baby and all came to hang out and celebrate friendship and impending birth of our son.
They didn't have to come, they could have chose to not spend the money, stay with their families, get their own things done, but they chose to come and I felt very blessed.
We all got a fabulous pedi and then headed to Starbucks for some good girl talk. :) In which I am always in desperate need. :)
When I left Starbucks, not only did I feel refreshed as a mom and wife, but as a friend. And I was so excited that instead of giving me one person that is exactly like me that I can do everything with at every moment, the Lord has blessed me with many friends coming from all different areas in life. Some are moms of older kids, younger, one child to 3 children, pregnant to not wanting to ever be pregnant again, working to stay at home, to working part time. And all different ages and stages in their lives and marriages. The Lord really showed me how important it is for me to learn from these women he has placed in my life and to feel blessed by this.
So now instead of feeling envy as a HS girl, I feel blessed that the Lord has provided me a multitude of blessings and friends. I just pray I can give them as much as they have given me.

Love/Hate

2009-06-09T06:49:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I went to the midwife yesterday and I love the midwives I see, but I have discovered after the formalities and structures and schedules of having 2 kids with an OB/GYN, I have a love/hate relationship. Let me explain.

I went for my 36 week appointment (I KNOW. .. .I can't believe it either!), and at this appointment we discuss the birth plan that Jeff and I wrote up, how things were going, did a quick Group B strep test (which I was able to do myself, which would have NEVER happened at my OBs office), listened to the wonderful heartbeat, was measured and weighed and done until 38 and a half weeks. WHAT!?!? you may ask if you have had an OB, but the midwives feel no need to "check" your progress at 36, 37, 38 , 39, etc weeks. For those of you who do not know what "check" means. . it means check to see if you have dilated or are effaced.

Therefore, I have a love/hate relationship with this method. The midwives will not "check" until after 40 weeks. I do love this because I truly feel that in my case (maybe not for everyone) where I am in dilation and effacement have nothing to do with how soon I will deliver. Let me explain. With my first baby I was checked beginning at 36 weeks every week until 41!!!!! Each week I made significant progress and felt like I could go into labor at any day, however at 41 weeks, almost 5 cm dilated and 90% effaced the girl had to be "smoked out" with a pit IV. She was never coming out.
Now onto my second. When I began being checked with him, I was making slower progress and was only minimally dilated at 36 weeks. Each week I was a bit more, but nothing significant and really I knew better, so I was holding out for another 41 weeker and bam, he mad his arrival at 38 1/2 weeks. So. . . .checking for me does absolutely nothing!! :) It just makes me even more crazy and neurotic than I already am, if that is even possible. This is why I LOVE not being "checked". What I don't know can't make me even more intolerable to live with or anxiety ridden about "any minute now".

Onto the HATE part, to which my oldest would tell me "we don't use that word in this house". Good thing she can't read yet. I hate not being checked, because that is what I have grown accustom to in previous pregnancies and I love being able to tell friends and family when they ask that I am _ cm and _ effaced. I don't know why, as I type it, it sounds even more strange. Oh well, there is something also being said for knowing I guess.

But for now I will stick with the LOVE part as my husband I am sure is at his wits end and does not need an even crazier, neurotic wife on his hands for possibly 4 1/2 more weeks. :)

MY CHAMP!!!

2009-06-03T20:37:00.000-07:00

Today was the surgery and it went so well.

First, our little man handled no food and water like a champ. Especially after we got to the hospital and found out our doc had an emergency surgery that morning and all the appointments were running about an hour and a half late. Therefore he didn't actually go into surgery until 130. He was amazing, not a whine or cry about no food and water he played, loved on us and we were blessed with an amazing staff of nurses and a great doctor.

The tubes went in well and the adenoids came out. The doc said it was good we took them out as they were "ugly". I guess they were pretty big so hopefully that will bring Eustachian tube relief. :) The nurses said he was the best they had seen all day. The Lord has truly blessed us.

It is now about 845 pm. Sean is asleep and after our very long day his mommy and daddy are not far away from dreamland as well. Thank you all for your prayers and blessings on our family. God is good.

Current Events

2009-06-02T16:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I thought I would update people on what is going on with us as I have not posted in a while, but things have been hectic.

I am now at 35 weeks, almost 36 weeks pregnant and can't believe how time has flown with this pregnancy. I am excited to meet our new little guy (whose name shall remain a surprise until he is born :) ) but also apprehensive as after having 2 newborns, I know what happens once they are out, and I have so much more control when they are inside. I know many of you laugh at this because yes, I have control issues. :)
Speaking of control, because this is my last birth, I am going to attempt to do it as natural as possible with my midwife at the hospital. I am excited and feel confident, but trying to remember to relax and release control. I have been listening to relaxing music and practicing relaxation techniques which usually involve me falling asleep, so it must be working. So pray for me. . . I will keep you updated.

The kids are doing well. Lauren is now done with preschool for this year and is getting so big. She continues to amaze me each day with what a big girl she is. She is very excited for her brother's arrival and keeps asking why God has not told us it is time for the baby to come out!
I told her we just have to have patience, which is difficult for all of us.

Sean is well, and probably not as excited about the baby, but we will see. Tomorrow he has surgery. We are putting in another set up tubes and taking out his adenoids which we are hoping will help with his ear infections. As a mother (and pregnant lady) I have cried most of the afternoon because I absolutely do not like having my child under general anesthesia even for the limited time of 30 minutes. It always scares me and have had to repeat verses about not being fearful all day. I know that the Lord has control over all of this and that His plan is always better than our own. He has led us to a new and wonderful doctor so just praying that all goes well. Also praying that we can make it from 9 am - noon without any food or liquids without a HUGE meltdown. They usually try and schedule these really early in the morning because of the no food, no fluids issue, but those appointments were booked solid with this doctor until mid July and the thought of having to do the surgery with a newborn in tow was too much for this mommy. :) So. . . He has it under control. It will be okay. ;)

Jeff is busy at work, but also very much looking forward to meeting his new little boy. Meanwhile he has scheduled golf outings and poker games as he too knows that those will not come as often with a newborn. :)

Hope you are well. Love from our family to yours. . . :)

A Lauren Funny

2009-05-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

Okay so this was embarrassing, but very funny.

We recently went to Target to pick out a gift for her friend's 4th birthday. She knew exactly what she wanted to get her and because this was mommy and Lo time we took our time and looked at everything in the store she wanted to see.
This was the conversation as we walked past the Girls section, you know girls 7-14.

L: Look at that cute dress, I would like that dress.
M: It is cute, but maybe a bit too big.
L: ohhhh look at that cute shirt.
M: Yes that is very cute.
L: (Loudly) Look mom there are a bunch of boobs!! (pointing to the all the colorful training bras hanging from the racks.
M: (quietly)L, those are called bras remember?!? :)
M: Laughter aloud
L: oh

Hope this made you giggle today!

Perfect Timing

2009-05-05T16:40:00.000-07:00

God's timing is perfect. This morning I was the one with a complete meltdown. I had whining crying kids since their eyes popped open, things were broken, mess everywhere, I was trying to let Jeff sleep as it is his birthday and by 8:07 am (I remember looking at the clock :) ) I was done. I cried and cried and cried and told the Lord, I couldn't do it anymore. I was not cut out for this, it takes way more patience, mercy, care and concern, and love, and quite frankly I as out. I had nothing left to give anyone and selfishly even if I did. . I didn't want to give it.

Here is where timing comes into play. Upon picking up Lauren for preschool, she presented me with a "Happy Mothers Day" gift, which was beautiful. It was a plant with a butterfly she had created and a picture of her and I sticking out the top. . . beautiful. However, it was the small piece of paper I received from her teacher Mrs. Moten, that made all the difference.
Here is what it said. So to all the mothers, aunts, loved ones, ladies who care for other's children, this is for you as well. May it bless you as it did me.

"AND GOD SAYS THANKS. . ."

"I have entrusted you with the care of My children. They are special to Me.

They are My gift to you and to the world. They are young and inexperienced. But they are also curious, full of enthusiasm, ready to learn and to love. I like that!

I hope they are as much a source of joy to you as they are to Me.

You too are a source of joy to Me.

You know and have experienced more of life--the discipline and sacrifice involved in accepting the responsibility for raising children. Not everyone is willing to do that. Thank You.

Life is not always easy. Raising children is certainly not easy. I know that. There is much to contend with--illness, discouragement, uncertainty, misunderstandings. No one know and appreciates your efforts as much as I do. Thank You.

Children as so much of you--they ask for you time and energy,your patience and then your money!

They ask you to grow with them, change, encourage them, discipline them.

Sometimes it seems like more than you can handle--but you haven't given up. Thank You.

Please let me assure you--I BELIEVE IN YOU, I DEPEND ON YOU, I LOVE YOU.

THANK YOU. "

So in all that I truly felt that the Lord was talking to me today. And I am truly grateful for a preschool teacher for giving that to me and loving me as a mom as much as she loves my daughter as a preschooler.

Thank you Lord for perfect timing and gentle mercies.

Health

2009-04-26T06:30:00.001-07:00

Recently every time I have been sick I have appreciated the times I am healthy more and more. When I was a kid, it was neat to be able to stay home sick. I remember even trying to fake a fever because it was like a day off. But as I now have 2 kids at home and my body is older, I really do appreciate wellness much more than I ever have.

I find myself praying for those that are chronically ill and are not often well. I pray for a friend who is enduring chemo and spends every day now sick. I can't imagine everyday of my life being sick and having to take care of my house and family. Exhausting. I am also thankful that I have Jeff. I find myself praying for single moms and dads who get sick because it is just them. No one to come home and at least let you lay in bed for the rest of the night.

I am so thankful that I have wellness 99% of the time and will try not to take this gift for granted. The Lord has truly blessed our family.

To Tube or Not to Tube

2009-04-21T15:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I am sure the answer will be tube.
I do believe that God has everything under control, even though it is tough at times. Like days like today. I just looked up at heaven and went "seriously??"

I feel somewhat vain and selfish in writing this post. As I know many families struggle with things that are waaaayyyy beyond what we have on our plates. But I also believe that God cares about the details as well.

So, what we thought was pink eye for Sean yesterday turns out to be really congested sinuses and a double ear infection. Many of you say, bummer a double ear infection is no fun, but in Sean's case it quite frankly sucks. Sean had had about 9 ear infections in the first 14 months of life. Six of those were within about 9 months of each other. So December of 2007 we had a BMT, "tubes" put in both ears. A quick surgery, but nonetheless a surgery under general anesthesia. After this he did well for a while and then had a doozy of an ear infection in November of 2008 in which his ears bled and I will spare the rest of the details, but it was not good. He was then on about 5 antibiotics until about February of this year. Through all of this I also discovered I am not fond of the ENT office we initially chose. And now he was recommending another set of tubes and taking out adenoids, I was not so comfortable with this as the audiologist report was good. So I returned to Sean's pediatrician whom we fondly refer to as Sean's girlfriend. She did a test and looked at his ears and WOOOHOOO there was no fluid and the pressure came back great! So we then opted no tubes and was hoping our visits to the ENT were over.
But alas, today we called the new ENT to schedule an appt. I am really excited as this ENT does only pediatrics so I feel will be a better fit for Sean, but do believe we are looking at another set of tubes. Currently, the appointment to see the new doc is not until May 18th. I think we might try to work through our pediatrician and get in earlier if we can, well that is my prayer. Only because at this point I will be 33 weeks pregnant, which is still not too bad, but that might put the surgery out later. :) So who knows. Just praying the Lord gives me a level head and a clear mind, well what is left of it, and really directs our steps in this little chapter of Sean's life. Because surgery, no matter how long or short, is still super scary and NOT FUN for a mommy and a daddy.
Thanks for praying. :)

What a Vacation!

2009-04-13T15:15:00.000-07:00

So, we recently returned from a wonderful vacation to San Diego for a couple days. We spend time at the beach, Sea World and Legoland. It was wonderful and much needed time away for all of us. It was also special because as much as we are looking forward to our new baby boy's arrival it was nice to take a trip just the four of us before he comes. I thought I just share some pictures.

Oh and I am writing now from my brand new lap top given to me by my WONDERFUL husband for my birthday. Now I am am not attached to my office area and can "roam" the house all unhooked! :) How fun is that!!!

The Other Side of the Door

2009-03-13T08:49:00.000-07:00

So, let me first say I am probably going to offend a lot of people by writing this blog. However, it is not my intention at all. These are just my thoughts this morning, so please do not take offense. Everyone is their own person and does what they need to do for their family. :)

That being said, it is days like today I'd like to be on the other side of my garage door in the morning. I'd frankly today like to have Jeff's day. I am very blessed to stay at home. I wouldn't change it, and I know many women who would love to stay at home, but due to circumstances cannot. However, today I want to be the one to go to work.

I am sure these ideas are all fantasy and that Jeff would disagree and that any mom who works outside the home would disagree. Yet, there must be something freeing about leaving the home and not returning until evening. I will explain. . .

The past 2 days Jeff has left either with children screaming at each other, crying hysterically, in room time, or whining about what I have told them they are not able to do. For example, Sean cannot have girl scout cookies as part of breakfast. I look with a jealous eye as my husband kisses us all goodbye, screaming, tears and all and shuts the door and leaves off to work. Now I know that his job is stressful. However, he still gets to choose when he uses the bathroom & sometimes when he will eat lunch. No one is pulling at his leg if he is on the phone or talking to a colleague about their recent golf outing or what the agenda will be for that meeting. He can even sneak away for a short bit to grab a Starbucks coffee (on his work campus) if he so desires with a couple of colleagues. Today. . . I want to be on the other side of the door. I know he has meetings all day and that things are very stressful in the work place. But I also know he does have times for the occasional chat or joke or yes, STARBUCKS!!

When he leaves he doesn't have to look at pile after pile of laundry all day, he doesn't wash the floors only to have your kids spill the first thing they have all over the nice clean floors. He doesn't have to try and do his job (laundry, cleaning, vacuuming, toilets, bathroom, dishes) all while making sure his colleagues aren't jumping off furniture or putting things down the toilet. He doesn't have to worry about whether or not his employees went to the bathroom before a long meeting or whether they need help wiping their bottoms or changing their diapers. When he gets home he doesn't' have to (most of the time) worry about what is for dinner or if we have something he'd like in the fridge or if he will have clean boxers for the next day. When the door closes he doesn't have to do many sets of dishes a day while making lunch only to have it thrown on the floor by a screaming 2 year old, who then has room time because we don't throw food on the floor for the one millionth time!!

Obviously you can sense my dislike for the stay at home mommy tasks today. And my desire for just one day to be on the other side of the door. But as I write this, it occurred to me that if I was on the other side of the door, I would miss the requests to just "snuggle", which makes it all worth while. :)

Nesting and Chocolate

2009-03-12T13:46:00.000-07:00

Okay. . so I have not blogged in forever, but right now I have quick second. Lauren is actually sleeping and I'd like to rest a bit too. We are doing an every other day nap deal. I has worked out okay this week. :)

I am nesting. I am currently fighting the urge to move all the furniture that needs to be moved for the baby. As I cannot lift it all on my own. But I have prepared as much as I can and will wait for Jeff to get home to move some things. Nesting is interesting. I don't remember having it this early with my other two. I am very particular about some things, but not others. For instance, I don't' really care about the laundry, but my baseboards are HORRIBLE. I desperately want to repaint every single one in my house. Alas, I am realistic and know this will not happen. I just can't swing that with 2 little ones running around that would like to "help".

AND CHOCOLATE!! So much for watching my weight with this pregnancy. That was out the window about a month ago. Forget it. . .as far as I am concerned this is the only time I can really eat the chocolate I want (balanced with veggies and fruit of course) and not have to feel really guilty about the possible weight gain and how much I will have to work out for succumbing to my temptations. I have decided I am just going to do it. If I feel like chocolate, I am going to have some.

Wondering no longer

2009-02-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

The other day I was thinking about times before I had children. The questions I wondered about families and mothers. All the way from teenage years to adulthood before kids. Needless to say I will post the questions, but after becoming a mother of 2, I no longer wonder the answers! :)

-Why do moms always say they are tired? Why do they want to nap on a Sunday afternoon?
-Why is it that moms say they don't get to shower everyday? Shouldn't we all shower everyday?
-Why is it that some kids can spend all day playing in their pjs, shouldn't they get dressed?
-Why is it that some kids out and about have dirt/food on their shirt?
-Why is it that kids (girls in particular) don't always have their hair nicely combed and put up in some cute pony, pig tails or braid?
_Why is it that parents yell at their kids in public? Don't they have control?
-Why is that kid running up and down the aisles at the store?
-Why do parents allow their kids to eat stuff that is not healthy?
-That kid has a runny nose, gross!!
-Why is that child throwing a tantrum in the middle of everyone?
-Why is it that the child is trying to get out of the cart/car seat/stroller why doesn't it just stay put? After all I'd like to be pushed around like that! :)
-What is up with all the whining that kids do?
-I can't believe that child just yelled "NO!!" to that parent.
-Why do some moms seem always frazzled?
-Why are some houses never picked up?
-Laundry can't be THAT bad!

Needless to say these are embarrassing because obviously they are WAAAAAYYY judgemental. However, I NO longer question any of these things. . . I have now lived them all!!! If you have any fun ones, I'd love to hear them. . . or maybe I was the only one who ever thought things like this. . . .
HA! :)

Joy and Tears

2009-02-18T15:32:00.000-07:00

I marvel at the way we were created for relationships. As a woman, I am also struck at how our relationships are so different from men, even at a young age. Our sweet little girl is now old enough to understand that this summer her mommy will give birth to another sibling for her.
Ever since she has realized this she has been asking, hoping, and praying to God for a girl. She has always called the baby a girl and insisted that it be a girl so they can play together.

Now, her she and her brother can play together just fine, and they actually really enjoy each other during several moments throughout the day, but she wanted a girl. She talks about her girlfriends at school and what they wear, and play, and color, and even the little arguments they get into on the playground. It is amazing that the Lord created those women relationships at such an early age. So Lauren was dying for a sister.

Having a wonderful sister of my own, I knew very well her desire. I never had brothers like she will, but I knew that there is this different bond between girls and especially sisters. So I think if I am being honest with myself, I desired the same thing for her.

Well, as you may know we had our sonogram this week. And found out what my gut had been telling me all along. We are having another BOY! :) I am so very excited and even more grateful and joyful that everything looks good with this little one we are blessed to have.
Yet, I will admit after we left the office I cried like a baby. Not because I was disappointed about having another boy, it will be fun for the boys to be close, but because I felt I was going to break my little girl's heart over this fact. That she prayed and so desperately wanted it to be a girl, & being a women, I knew what her reaction was going to be. Jeff told me not to worry she would be fine and that she would "get over it" and all would be well. I didn't tell him at the time, but I knew better!! :)

So I got in the car to pick her up from preschool and continued with my tears and my prayers that she would understand. That my spin of being the only girl and how wonderful that would be would work.

So, she got in the car and I showed her all the pictures that had been taken of our new peanut. She liked to look at them. Then I took a deep breath and told her the news along with my positive spin. She sat in her chair with a blank stare, stated that she would not play with a boy, and burst into tears. Big, huge, sobbing crocodile tears. Of course you can imagine what comes next, I burst into tears as well. She then proceeded to climb out of her car seat and onto my lap, crying, and crying as I am holding her and just simply stated "I want to go home now."
She climbed back in and we headed for home. Not really mentioning the baby anymore.
Later we spoke about how God gave us this boy and that he really knows what is best for our family. And the next day she just said, "I don't know why God wants us to have a boy baby". And all I could answer with is that I wasn't sure either.

This whole story got me thinking about how many times I ask God for things I want or even feel I need. And after praying and asking and hoping He doesn't say yes. I react a lot like Lauren did. I cry and am sometimes devastated. Yet, after a bit I might not be happy about it yet, but I learn to accept that it is from Him and it must be good. I still get teary when I think about my almost 4 year old girl's face at the announcement she would not have a sister. But then I thank God for teaching her such a wonderful lesson so early. That every good and perfect gift is from Him and he knows best, even if at the time we don't know why.